A Review of “Clean”

This is a thorough and lengthy review of Douglas Weiss, Clean: A Proven Plan for Men Committed to Sexual Integrity. Thomas Nelson, 2013.

(See other book reviews here.)

This book contains a lot of truth, and that’s the good news. It paints an accurate picture of the dire consequences of compulsive porn use and sexual addiction. The bad news is that it operates under an assumption which is a lie. Naturally, the tragic result of mixing truth with a lie is a mesh of half truths. It bases its logic under the premise that there is only ever one response a man can have towards the sight of something deemed attractive, and it’s a sexual response. I also lived under that assumption for many years and reaped what that conditioning sowed in me. There are no true solutions to this problem as long as you believe this lie. Once you reject it, you can live a existence that few even know is possible.

What follows are excerpts from the book (in bold) and my notes which I wrote as I read the book are in italics.

“…this type of internal transformation requires work. More work than most people are used to.” Page 1

The Lord has done the work. We just need to accept his work as finished and powerful enough to help us aside from our own effort.

“I also see a lot of church leaders struggling to help those trapped in the cycle of sexual sinning, whether it’s porn or adultery or something else. But many church leaders fall to sexual temptation themselves, and the ones who do stay pure are often at a loss as to how to help those struggling.” Page 1

True. Was certainly the case with me. WAS.

“…if a community of believers is willing to go the extra mile for one another, get real, and extend grace, they will soon see the blessing of the Lord return to their sanctuary.” Page 1

These are all great things and should take place. However the lies about the body need to be addressed for lasting change without an on-going struggle.

“The book of Joel says, ‘I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten’ (2: 25). That can be true of your life, if you are willing to own your past and believe in the possibility of a new future.” Page 1

This is one of the verses that was a key insight for us, and that’s why it’s on our homepage.

You will find the Lord giving you insights in how to communicate ideas that help men get and stay clean.” Page 1

It’s not so much about getting and staying clean in my estimation, as much as it is being clean in who you are (in Christ) and not a matter of trying to be something you aren’t.

“No matter who you are, it all comes down to doing the work. Tom Landry, a famous professional football coach for the Dallas Cowboys, knew this truism. During his tenure, his teams made it to multiple playoff and championship games. While he made everything look easy on the outside, always maintaining a calm demeanor, he had a saying about leading his players: ‘Leadership is getting someone to do what they don’t want to do, to achieve what they want to achieve.’ He knew his players had to show up at practice and do the work if they wanted to win. The same is true with getting clean.” Page 1

Being clean is about wanting to be clean, not doing something you don’t want to do. You live clean because you want to. It’s all in the mindset, and the mindset here is all wrong, in my opinion.

“The enemy of our souls began a sexual campaign—or as we would later call it, a sexual revolution. This campaign would question the very core biblical view of sexuality.” Page 2

He did this immediately after Adam and Eve sinned, if you don’t gloss over it! (See Genesis 3:11) The enemy hates the image of God and he told them they were naked and most likely planted in them the idea to cover up. Most people ignore God’s first question to them: “Who said you were naked?” That’s the sexual revolution that has caused brokenness throughout all generations.

“I have been sexually clean for more than twenty-five years. I have not masturbated, viewed pornography, or had any sexual behavior outside of my marriage. My clean lifestyle has been validated repeatedly by a polygraph, so I am telling you the truth man to man, soldier to soldier.” Page 4

“I have written several books related to sexual addiction. I am considered an expert in the field of recovery, having appeared on Oprah, Dr. Phil, and many other national television shows, and I’ve even had a Lifetime Network movie made about our treatment for sex addicts called Sex, Lies and Obsession. I am also the president of the American Association for Sex Addiction Therapy (AASAT). We train and certify counselors and life coaches to help those who struggle with sexual addiction both nationally and internationally.” Page 4

I may not have all the credentials and the numbers of people impacted that he has, and that’s ok. We both want the same thing and I wish him well in his ministry. I’m saddened he needs to repeatedly use a polygraph. And also the combative language of soldiering on in this battle really grieves my spirit. It’ll be a battle if we think it will be! I’d rather skip the battle, myself.

“Pornography Time Statistics • Every second, $ 3,075.64 is being spent on pornography. • Every second, 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography. • Every second, 372 Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines. • Every 39 minutes, a new pornographic video is being created in the United States.” Page 6

“If 90 percent of the men at a Christian conference see this as a big issue in their relationship with God, we all need to take this war seriously.” Page 10

“Half of the pastors or their wives at churches where I have been a member have fallen to sexual sin during my thirty years as a Christian.” Page 11

We don’t really need all these stats to know about the problem. I’ve been at these men’s conferences and I’ve stopped going to them because they just tell guys they will have a problem. If you believe it will be an issue, it will be an issue. They need to know it doesn’t have to be a problem in their lives.

“We have all seen great men of God excelling in the Lord and moving toward global impact, only to succumb to sexual sin. Suddenly, all they can do is watch as their ministries, families, and reputations crumble in shame. Had these men prepared themselves to fight against sexual sin—been transparent with others, sought counsel, remained accountable—we would still benefit from their ministries today. As I like to say about the devil, if he can seduce you, he can reduce you.” Page 22

We make the devil’s work easy by agreeing with him that the nude body (image of God) is lewd and obscene. If we instead believe the truth, we won’t need any accountability and won’t even struggle!

“I could give you hundreds of examples of men caught up in pornography, adultery, and other improper sexual behaviors who decided to repent, become accountable, and build a support team. As a result, they began to help others and change the world.” Page 25

I could give hundreds of examples that easily eliminated lust without the need for accountability or support groups.

“Knowing the reason for staying clean will have a similar effect on you. It will give you strength in the fight for sexual purity. It is easy to swim with the current in our present culture, but it takes real strength and courage to swim against it.” Page 28

You wanna talk about swimming against a current? Try going against the current of purity culture, which in essence agrees with our present culture’s views in how they see the body and flesh. Once you appreciate our God as Creator and see the human body and soul as the pinnacle of creation, you will want to BE clean and give other image bearers love, respect and dignity. You will hate anything that objectifies another human being demeaning them as an object.

“If you think you can control lust, you are deceived. The opposite is true, and unless you can see this, it will only increase its hold on you.” Page 33

I believed this until I didn’t. I’m so glad I no longer believe it, because that was a miserable thing to believe!

“Satan’s deep “secret” is quite simple: be immoral. He has used this same trick throughout the centuries, but it’s not a secret anymore. Anytime you’re being tempted into immorality or viewing pornography, you are falling for the enemy’s teaching hook, line, and sinker.” Page 39

I think he had another secret that isn’t as well known! Again, see Genesis 3:11 and ask yourself honestly why you think God asked this question.

“Joe gradually began to lust after and flirt with the twenty-year-old blond women in his workplace. He also started to rationalize that he could masturbate again. He reactivated his landmines over a couple of years.” Page 44

I think a better way is to not have any landmines that could run the risk of reactivation. When I was in my issues, I had a type. Actually my type was those who reminded me of my wife. But as my mind and thinking has changed completely, she and she alone is my type and there are no landmines in sight or underground. Praise God Almighty!

I say he wouldn’t need a weapon if he wasn’t engaged in a battle he didn’t need to be in. It’s not and doesn’t have to be every man’s battle! What if this battle everyone seems to think we need to fight tooth and nail is actually a diversion from the real war being waged by our enemy. As we are busy fighting this battle over here for momentary purity, the enemy has surrounded us from all sides to where we can’t escape and experience true and lasting purity of heart and soul.

“Why did all this hell break out in Joe’s life? He dropped his weapon!” Page 47

“God gives you various weapons to protect yourself and those you love. These weapons include the fear of the Lord, wisdom, the Word of God, accountability, honesty with your spiritual authorities and spouse, porn blockers, and accountability software. So many weapons are at your disposal.” Page 47

These so-called weapons are weak. They are man-made attempts at managing and coping with sin. They aren’t an answer to the “heart” of the problem. I was waiting to see what his tried and true method was, but it’s sadly the same old same old.

“Women are three-dimensional creatures with spirits, souls, and bodies, with relationships, responsibilities, and dreams for their lives. When we lust, we remove all these other aspects of their beings and just look at their packaging, or their bodies. We objectify or make them things, instead of souls or people. In lust, we devalue the amazing soul that a woman is and make her into a lust hit—entertainment that we scan into our brains.” Page 49

Yes, agreed! But seeing is not lusting, and lust doesn’t have to be the automatic response to seeing. Your aforementioned passage of James 1:15 says, lust when it conceives… What about when lust doesn’t come into play? This is my experience now after two decades of trying and failing the other ways.

“…we are not to lust after any woman on planet Earth. Paul said to treat “older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity” (1 Timothy 5: 2). Why sisters? Because that puts a relationship context around each person. Most of us would not lust after our own physical sister regardless of her level of attractiveness, because, of course, she is our sister. In the absence of the option to lust, we see her as a whole person with feelings, a history, relationships and value, not as an object.” Page 50

Ok, this part is getting good. This is what I’m saying.

“Lust, if it is not destroyed at this level, can and will grow. And if it is watered repeatedly with more lust, fantasy, and pornography, lust will continue to grow and become stronger. If you masturbate to lust-inducing pictures, it’s like feeding super-fertilizer to the seed, or genetically engineering it.” Page 50

Very true. So let’s not let it get to that point at all, by seeing everyone as a beautiful creation of God, seeing them as God sees them, not as the world does.

“A man may lust for years, never thinking he will sin. I have heard that hundreds of times from men, Christian men, who thought they would never cross the line. They didn’t understand that feeding lust guarantees the seed will grow into its next stage. Whether a man is saved or not, that’s the principle of the seed.” Page 51

Lust is sin, full stop. That first stage is too much. You’ve lost if you objectify and desire someone solely for personal gratification. (Even if it’s your own spouse!)

“If a man doesn’t perceive the battle he is in, he is more likely to fail, causing pain to himself and those he loves.” Page 53

I’ll say it once again. If a man believes he will be in a perpetual state of battle, he will be in a perpetual state of battle. If a man “commits to be clean” he can avoid the battlefield entirely. He does so by the renewing of his mind, just like with any other sin. It’s no different.

If you haven’t purposed to be clean when temptation comes—and I said when, not if—you can be truly caught off guard, and with little strength, or support, you may fail unnecessarily. Page 54

Today, I’m tempted with arrogance, and I’m working on it. Being tempted to lust is not a thing anymore. My wife knows this. I could never lie to her very well during 20 years of constant temptation. Now that I’ve overcome this issue by God’s grace, I can easily become arrogant in my portrayal of a much better way. This is often passion carried to the extreme. I’ve lived with both bondage and freedom, so I get passionate when I see what does not work being promoted as though it does. Temptation to lust will not come if you have worked through this with a renewed mind, in the same way I’m not tempted to murder my brother. I have no interest in either of these sins. I also need to renew my mind around food and gluttony, but lust is finished.

“He [meaning someone who doesn’t fight this seriously] doesn’t mind occasional, partial, or full nudity on television or in magazines. He accidentally or intentionally can be hit by sexual material and not think twice about it.” Page 55

Maybe the only boundary should be to not objectify anyone. Then the sight of even nudity will not cause this person to struggle. One trip to a family friendly naturist park will shatter all preconceived notions about the body and the potential for lust!

“A lack of accountability is always a sign of a man whose weapons are down. Page 57

A need for accountability is a sign of continual bondage. If someone has true freedom, there is NO need for accountability.

“He is alone in the web of pornography called the Internet. A man in this defenseless position is easily accessible to the enemy of his soul and his family, and extremely vulnerable to sexual temptation and acting out. It’s almost like telling the devil to take his best shot.” Page 57

This agreement that lust is the only response to the sight of flesh is causing all the strife. You could have all the access to all the porn (and you do), but it will not be a temptation if you don’t like or enjoy anything that objectifies another human being. Make that agreement instead!

“The Bible says, ‘For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he’ (Proverbs 23: 7 KJV).” Page 58

Using this very verse to counter the fact that you will constantly be tempted would make this book very short. Change your mind. Think differently. This is true repentance and when God renews your mind, that is all that is needed. The truth will make you free (John 8:32)!

“Your clean commitment clears your vision, and you will begin to see threats clearly as well. Prepare for them, and enjoy victory and a clean conscience after winning those battles.” Page 59

I agree a clean commitment is key, but also a redefining of what is clean and what is a threat. When you see the body as the crowning glory of creation, all so-called threats disappear.

“Men who protect have a plan.” Page 59

The plans mentioned in this chapter (as anticipated) are cumbersome and never ending. The only plan needed is to honor the image of God. That’s it.

“He still lives in an environment of temptation, as we all do. But if he opens an e-mail and sees something inappropriate, he tells somebody immediately. He cooperates with his wife in telling her the things she wants to know, and he has a trusted man or men to confess any inappropriate thoughts to as well.” Page 60

There are opportunities to lust literally everywhere. But if someone would rather die than objectify another image bearer, they will not have inappropriate thoughts, even on a nude beach, for example. That’s a worse case scenario for someone struggling with lustful thoughts. If you can be at such a place and be just fine thought-wise, you’ve got it made anywhere else! You might call that dangerous, but remember, you have declared literally everywhere as dangerous. Nowhere is dangerous for a person with true freedom.

“Let me give you an example. I was exhausted after three days in Canada speaking at a men’s and marriage conference and doing professional training for Christian counselors on sexual addiction. I got on my plane and took out my tablet to write a chapter of a book. The woman sitting next to me reached into her bag and began to pull out a magazine. All I could see was the red letter P. I instantly knew it was going to be a Playboy magazine. I looked the other way and sat facing the bathroom. I was angry. I prayed in my spirit, “Lord, if she’ll put it away, I’ll witness to her.” I didn’t have an “accident” and look; I stayed focused. She put her magazine back in her bag, went to the bathroom, and when she came out she pulled an everyday magazine out of her bag. I tried to share, but she seemed more comfortable with silence. When I got off the plane, I immediately called my accountability partner and my wife. I hadn’t seen anything inappropriate; I just didn’t want to be slimed by her issues.” Page 61

This is really weird to me now, I have to be honest. I don’t like Playboy or porn at all because it objectifies. I hate it. It’s slime in the fact that it uses people and entices others. But if I were to see a cover girl on a magazine from the seat next to me on a plane, it wouldn’t be a major event. I wouldn’t have to call anyone. It wouldn’t cause me to have any thoughts except for compassion towards the person in the photo. There is a big difference between pornography and naturist photos. This could be the subject of a whole article. They may both be nude, but one is sexual and the other non-sexual and wholesome. Many cannot see this because they are so conditioned to think only a certain way. This is the great tragedy that keeps so many from enjoying a life of freedom and victory over lust.

“Most guys struggle because of classical conditioning. That includes positive conditioning for a behavior. To change a behavior you might want to change your conditioning from positive rewards for lust to setting up a negative reward for this behavior. If you look at something or do something inappropriate, have a consequence set up and enforce it. A consequence is something that hurts you (negative reinforcement). Let me give you a list of suggestions. 

• No media for one, two, or three weeks 
• No cell phone for one, two, or three days 
• Walk to work 
• Pick up trash for two to four hours 
• Give money to a political or nonprofit organization you really disagree with 
• Eat a raw onion 
• Run two miles (if you’re not in shape) 
• Eat Ben and Jerry’s at 10: 00 p.m. (if you are in shape) 
• Leg lunges for half a mile or one mile The consequence has to be painful to you.”
Page 62

This is crazy! And my wife says infantile. Are we men or kids? I get it, though, grown men act immature. I did. But, if you hate what is actually inappropriate, you won’t need to do these silly negative reinforcements. A person, even fully naked, isn’t always inappropriate. This mind shift changes everything, and anything truly inappropriate loses its power and appeal. It’s not a desensitization to evil; it’s  a renewed mind to what is actually evil and what is not!

“Men who have lost this battle for decades change into men who become winners and protectors of those they love, due to the humility of consequences.” Page 63

Really? Self imposed consequences for messing up? Sound masochistic to me. How about fix the issue and not “mess up” anymore and live the life God wants for us. Stop living a life that is constantly worrying and striving.

“Men are the solution God has chosen.” Page 64

What? Jesus is the only solution I will put my trust in and He is more than enough. I don’t think that’s me being super spiritual or holier than thou. I just think the Lord is much more powerful, and men limit his power through disbelief! Is our view of Christ’s finished work on the cross so low that we need man-made strategies to help him accomplish his task of redemption? So sad!

“As you can see, there are major differences in a woman’s self-esteem after being in a relationship with a man with a secret sexual life.” Page 70

These and other stats mentioned here come from a pretty small survey, especially in light of Sheila Gregoire and company’s survey of 20,000 women (in “The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You’ve Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended”). The low self esteem numbers before a relationship with a cheating man are too low to begin with. It obviously will go down. But women need a better self concept generally speaking. And imago Dei concepts played out through naturism solve that as well as they do the man or women’s propensity to view and use pornography or have other sexual brokenness.

“An unclean or secret sexual life does have a significant impact on the ones you love.” Page 80

We all know this and don’t need all the stats to prove it. However, we need an actual life changing message, and I’m not getting that out of this book. Sorry!

“…a real man stops his inappropriate behaviors, stops sacrificing his family for his secrets, and on a daily basis fights for himself to stay clean so he can enjoy the privilege of being a husband and a father.” Page 81

I agree a real man will stop these destructive behaviors, but to do that, he needn’t fight at all! He must surrender. The Lord will fight for you. You need only be still (Exodus 14:14).

“Your brain is the pleasure center for your body, especially when you have a sexual release. When you release sexually, your brain receives the chemical mother lode of endogenous opiates. These opiates are the single highest chemical reward for anything you can ever do. You can run and work out, but sex is by far the biggest chemical high we get in life.” Page 85

“Let’s suppose you use your brain this way from age fifteen until age twenty-five. You would have a mega attraction to the unreal, self-created, self-worshiping world of lust. You would have created many attractions, misconceptions, and false realities that simply may not exist in the real world, and then encouraged these false beliefs with the highest chemical reward. These become your landmines in the future. If you masturbated to exclusively blonds and marry a brunette, you could be unsatisfied because of the blond landmine you set up in your brain. If you preferred a particular sex act in your pornography or fantasy world, this could also be a landmine. You have set yourself up for failure because your wife is not a sexual actress and may not enjoy or even desire that particular sex act.” Page 86

This section is a good one. The brain science is fascinating, and that’s why the mind is so important in diffusing those landmines. The renewing of the mind, that is.

He worked diligently on his recovery and visited my office to take his annual polygraph. Page 88

Sad that an annual polygraph is required! I asked a naturist friend if he’s had any issue in the 16 years since he’s embraced naturism. He said no, and I believe him, because in 3 years I haven’t had any issues and feel so different, even one month into naturism. It’s night and day. No polygraphs required!

“I never recommend that married men masturbate to their wives because it can cause problems. When I travel, I make sure I come home regularly so I never sin against my body in this manner.” Page 90

I have the same conviction in saying that I will not masturbate period, not even to my wife– not because I’m afraid of any triggers, but rather because I want to honor her and have our love making be mutually satisfying. This would have been difficult in the past with long trips, etc. But now, it’s no problem and I could go long periods of time without sex. That’s what nocturnal emissions were made for. Of course, I’d rather make love to my wife, but I’m not in desperate need to cut my trip short just for a release.

“I can hear some of you thinking, Doc, I’m already messed up, so now what do I do? Trust me, I know what it’s like to carry around a defective brain that has been rewarded for lust. I also have had a clean brain for more than twenty years and have helped many men clean up their brains too. Now we’ll talk about how this happens. Spank the Dog Here is a principle I have been sharing with men for more than two decades. I mentioned this technique in my book The Final Freedom: Pioneering Sexual Addiction Recovery. I call it, ‘Spank the Dog.’ This will be familiar to anyone who has had a puppy.” Page 90

“Get a rubber band and place it around your wrist for at least thirty days. Every time you lust, objectify, double take, rubber neck, or have a past image hit your brain, snap the rubber band. You will be amazed at how much of the time your brain is actually going the wrong way. Remember the dog: we are ‘spanking’ your brain when it is going down the wrong direction. Men have told me over the years that this negative reinforcement has shut down as much as 80 percent of their lust life and reduced the power of their landmines within a month. Some men have found it helpful to quote a Scripture after they snap the rubber band. This is like showing the dog where to urinate. Choose a Scripture, and after you snap the band, either say it out loud or in your head.” Page 92

I hate this so much! I’m deeply saddened that this is needed.

“You deserve a clean brain, but it doesn’t come easy. You trained your flesh to lust after a certain image or emotional trigger. Unfortunately, your flesh doesn’t change overnight. Be persistent, and over time you can begin to look at any woman as a person and not as an object. The longer you stay free from porn and masturbation, the easier it gets to see women as people.” Page 94

This is good, but again, a half truth. It is easy and can come overnight.

“You may be walking in the mall when you see a poster. You can see the skin, but can’t quite figure out if it’s another Victoria Secret image. But your braindar has picked it up and you are not only aware, you also are getting a feeling in your chest—or somewhere else. This sense or feeling is your braindar. It’s telling you there is a UFO in your environment. UFO is short for Unidentified Female Object. I know that women are amazing souls in incredible packaging and are not to be treated as objects. Guys know exactly what I mean when I say it’s way too early to see the soul of that person when your braindar goes off. It will tell you only two things: its gender and its location. If the braindar could talk, it would tell you something like this: “Female, questionable attire, at three o’clock.” Believe it or not, this braindar can be a gift to you in obtaining a clean life. In the past you used your braindar to locate a victim to lust after or worse. Now you can use your braindar as a warning device.” Page 94

“You still receive the information of gender and location, but now it’s all about what you do with that information. Instead of using the information to move toward the UFO, you use it to move away from the object. If the braindar says, “Object at three o’clock,” then you look in any other direction so as to not include that UFO in your range of vision. If you’re at a restaurant or in another public place, sit away from the flow of the UFOs, or sit in such a way that you are no longer able to engage in a straight line with what your braindar has warned you about. If you are at an airport and you see a UFO sitting in a seat nearby, pick a seat where you are not able to look directly at her. I think you get the idea. Braindar can help you choose to move away from someone or something in your environment that can be stimulating you for whatever reason. You can’t control that you have braindar, but you can control how you use it. You can’t control the environment, but you can control how you navigate your environment.” Page 95

I read this part out loud to my wife and she was appalled. It’s so messed up, in our opinion. He states that women are not an object and then calls them an object, and treats them like an object! Also, to shift your seat so as to not look at a woman you deem as attractive is not victory over lust. It’s a sign you are still in bondage! It reminds me of the Duggars and their “Nike” code word. But look how that worked out for Josh Duggar!

“You will never destroy an enemy you embrace. As you clean your brain, it is helpful to hate lust in all its forms. Lust destroys everything and everyone around you. It can take your family and leave you appearing foolish. Hating this enemy can be an effective part of the process of achieving a truly clean brain and a truly clean life.” Page 97

This quote showed up as a popularly highlighted quote on kindle as I read. I can see why. This is key. We should hate the sin of lust and all that degrades God’s original intent for our sexual wholeness. However, I’ve noticed that in our attempt to hate this sin, we go to the other extreme and throw out the baby with the bath water so to speak. We see women as dangerous to provoke our lust. We see their bodies as something to hate, and we end up hating ourselves for our lack of control. Instead of having this enemy, the best way to beat an enemy is to make them your friend. This may sound a little dangerous, but stay with me. The human body was created to image God, and He saw it as very good. Not just body, but soul as well, but not just soul! They are intertwined, and the body itself is not bad, in and of itself. It’s a form of modern Gnosticism to think that it is. To see that “enemy” as friend (just another body belonging to a precious child of God, worthy of respect) is to eliminate the danger in that threat. You won’t lust when you live this way. The real enemy is the one who started this lie that our bodies are shameful (Genesis 3:11).

“…it’s not the eyes that are the main problem. The main problem is what men are doing in their minds. A man might be looking at and maybe talking to a woman. Some guys have the dexterity to have a conversation and simultaneously have lustful thoughts, or even fantasies, about the person who is innocently talking with them.”

“I have come up with a technique that has helped men stop these thoughts from ever getting started. This can even be helpful in a situation where a man has to not only resist looking while talking to a woman who is inappropriately dressed but also doesn’t want to have to deal with the sexual slime that can linger after such an encounter. I call this a “brain covenant.” This is like a prayer you say at the beginning of every day.” Page 98

The intent and the words here are fine. The underlying assumption isn’t. Neither is the goal a good one. It’s too short sighted due to the perceived desperation of the situation. The move from the eyes to the brain and the mind is good. But then his mind is still not clean. It’s been rinsed, but not deep cleaned. He mentions a struggle to look at women who are dressed inappropriately (in our boob obsessed culture, that probably means a low cut top showing cleavage). He calls this sexual slime to be dealt with later on (after he leaves and mulls this encounter over in his unrenewed mind). This is so sick, but I get it, because this was me! He is trying to resist the temptation to undress her in his mind. If he was used to seeing regular bodies unclad in non-sexual situations, this would not even be an issue! Does he have a problem when he sees a nose or an elbow? No! That’s because they are uncovered and therefore not sexualized. Before I changed my mind about the body, I had this endless struggle, requiring ever-present hyper vigilance. When I decided, once and for all, that all bodies are beautiful and all people made in God’s image have inherent dignity, everything changed. My arousal is reserved for the rightful place of relationship with my wife. What used to turn me on and be “a dangerous battle” does not any longer come into play. I have more than a mere attraction for my wife. We have a commitment, and a history, and a fidelity that is stronger than anything lust could offer. I can be literally surrounded by naked women, and not have any unwanted or sinful thoughts creep up like they used to. You might say this normalization of nudity is a seared conscience, but that’s your own unclean mind projected onto what seems unfathomable to you. I invite you to do just one hard step, and that is to consider a better way.

“If you pray early in the day, out loud and with conviction, a prayer that states a commitment to love women, protect them, and hate all lust toward them, it can be a powerful anchor of your commitment for your brain to follow and be aware of all day long.” Page 99

I like the idea, but why decide to do that one day at a time when you can renew your mind for every day to come? I don’t want to clean my mind for a day, but rather for a lifetime. This is who you are. You are made new, renewed. The old man is gone.

“She is way more than her body parts or face, which is the box that many men try to put her into.” Page 104

My point exactly. Now, let’s see if you actually apply this fully…

“Habakkuk 2: 15 and 16: Woe to him who gives drink to his neighbors, pouring it from the wineskin till they are drunk, so that he can gaze on their naked bodies! You will be filled with shame instead of glory. Now it is your turn! Drink and be exposed! The cup from the LORD’s right hand is coming around to you, and disgrace will cover your glory. This is a powerful Scripture, but I have never heard it preached on. What the prophet was commenting on is commonplace today.” 

“The correct response to nakedness is to not pursue it and also to cover it up.” Page 107

How’s that working for us?

“…we can see that the body is innately holy. We also can see we have a responsibility to cover nakedness. Our hearts have drunk in the devil’s perversion, and we can have one of two responses. We can protect holiness by covering nudity, or we can consume this holy nakedness in some sexual manner.” Page 107

Hmm. I see the devil as the one who originally wanted to cover up God’s image.

“Exposure to holiness brings out who we are. When you see the holiness of a naked woman, what’s your reaction? Is it to protect and cover up her nakedness, as our God would want you to do, and you would feel better doing, since part of your calling is to be a protector? Or do you lust and desire to sexually consume the holiness of a naked woman?” Page 111

Are those the only options? Such a mix of truth and untruth! Is that what God really wants? Was that his intent in the beginning? I’ve concluded that our behavior as men can be boiled down to one of two responses. Your behavior or thoughts will either be like that of a predator or a protector. Jesus was a protector of women (including the naked woman caught in adultery in John 8).

“[In the story of Noah] Ham, first on the scene, didn’t make the right choice. He beheld his father’s nakedness. Other than tell his brothers, we don’t know what Ham did.” Page 112

But it was a lot more than simply beholding… See this post.

“They chose to protect their father, not to entertain themselves. They instinctively did what Isaiah talked about—they covered his nakedness.” Page 112

Um, God told Isaiah to go stark naked for 3 years! (Isaiah 20:1-3)

“God loves to bless men who at any cost protect his holy daughters. If you have a daughter, how would you feel if you were sitting in a public place where someone was lusting after her?” Page 116

This is true, however the application is not. I’d heard the “that’s someone’s daughter” approach many times and it didn’t help me, even after I had a daughter of my own. What’s needed is to see the personhood of another. If you went to a naturist park (this is the most extreme example given on purpose) and started covering the ladies out of an obligation to protect them, you’d cause a riot. They don’t need protection in the way of covering. They need respect and dignity in spite of what they are wearing or not. The only thing such an act would expose is one’s own perverted thoughts. When missionaries went to naked tribes and clothed them, was that protection? They were just fine, but after being clothed, they started having the same problems Americans have.

“I am 100 percent committed to calling my pastor before I would consider doing anything sexually inappropriate, including looking at pornography. His cell number is in my phone, and I informed him that when he became my pastor, my sexuality was placed under his authority. I told him I would call before, not after, any sexually inappropriate behavior. Some men might feel embarrassed to actually do this. I, however, would be more embarrassed if I didn’t have this friendship as a safety net.” Page 126

This is a section I feel the author is quite proud of entitled “Three Owners” where he says your penis has three different owners. This is just sad that someone needs to have this safety net. Stats shared earlier in the book show that 50% of the pastors also would need the same! We shouldn’t have to be this immature. We need to grow up.

“Being under authority has given me more than two and a half decades of freedom, because I don’t have to make the decision. An attorney reportedly said that he who defends himself has a fool for a client. I would say sexually it is showing wisdom to be under authority. You are blessed to be under authority.” Page 127

Are you truly free if you have need of this? God’s authority is good enough for me. I’d rather die than objectify another human being, and I don’t need anyone else to help me with that. Foolish? I’m grateful it’s been so easy since I changed my thoughts on the matter.

“You’re having urges to view inappropriate images or pornography, or maybe you want to masturbate or flirt with a female coworker. If you are under authority, after you call Pastor John, you call your wife. Imagine that conversation. ‘Hon, this is your husband. I’m at work, got some downtime and I thought I would look and lust after other women, you know Victoria’s Secret, then try some hardcore pornography and maybe even masturbate. Since you are the owner of my sex organ, I have to ask your permission since I am under your sexual authority.’ For single guys, use the second phone call for an accountability person.” Page 129

I have no words. I know this is hypothetical to make a point, but why is this hypothetical even necessary?

“Once you start down a path of sexual independence and rebellion against your sexual authorities, there is no telling where that path will lead. As a janitor, however, you only get bathroom rights. That is the only authority I have sexually in my life, otherwise I have to use my cell phone to ask permission.” Page 132

This is just disturbing and such a low view of the image of God and of men in general. My sexual integrity and fidelity is now a given. I agree that we are God’s and my body is not my own and it’s my wife’s as she is also mine. Do people actually make these phone calls? When I was stuck in the old way of thinking, I’d lie to my wife and she’d know it. I hated hurting her like that. Now she trusts me completely because those old issues and obsessions are gone. No gimmicks required.

“Let me put this principle into four simple words. Put them on your cell phone, screen saver, a Post-it note, any place where you can be reminded of them: God, wife, me, pee.” Page 133

“Yes, you can summarize sexual authority in those four words. God is the first owner. Your wife is the second owner. And you are the third owner, which gives peeing rights only. This revelation can help you get and stay clean. When you accept your place in this hierarchy, you will be free indeed.” Page 133

Ridiculous!

“Love is the opposite of lust. Lust and love cannot exist at the same place at the same time. Lust and love are as polar opposite as light and darkness. You have to leave light to enter darkness. You have to leave darkness to enter light. In the same way, we have to leave love to lust and leave lust to love.” Page 139

Yes, yes, yes! I agree with this part.

“Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity” (1 Timothy 5: 1–2). Paul gives us some insight into leaving lust and entering love. Paul was telling Timothy that when it comes to women, and men for that matter, to always put them in a relationship context.” Page 140

Also very good stuff.

“You start to notice there is a guy in the restaurant who keeps staring at your wife. You look over, and sure enough he is still looking at her. He’s not looking at her as you would a person in the crowd; he is actually lusting after her, checking out her body, hoping you go to the restroom so he can slip her a card. He’s not seeing your wife as a person or a mom, just a thing he is entitled to lust after. How are you feeling toward this guy? Well, I don’t imagine very positive. You might think he is a creep who has problems, but at the very least you’re uncomfortable, and at worst protective or angry.” Page 142

He is a creep and so are we if we stoop to the same level. The relational context is key, but you have to stop thinking temptation is everywhere and women are dangerous and will get you going by just being attractive.

“The other part of this tradition, ‘don’t tell,’ is held up by the rank and file of men in the church. If you’re lusting, viewing porn, masturbating, flirting, cheating, or anything inappropriate, don’t tell. Don’t tell yourself, your wife, and your spiritual leaders. Keep your sexual behaviors a secret.” Page 145

This is a problem and does need to change. And there are some good points made in the book around this section. Being open is liberating, but the thinking must change for lasting change. I know I sound like a broken record, and probably am starting to come across as arrogant, but I’m just desperately pleading for us to do better, but not by striving, but rather by surrender.

“I am astonished by how many Christians honestly have more faith in their sin, than in Jesus’ blood to forgive the sin. I see people repeatedly trapped in thinking and believing that their sin is somehow so special it nullifies the power of his blood. If you are trapped into believing your sin is that special, let me tell you, it’s not! Your sin is not special or powerful. His blood paid the full price for any and all sins whether they are sexual sins or not.” Page 155

I like this because I believe Jesus’ finished work on the cross is powerful enough to heal sexual brokeness aside from our own efforts.

“If you are confessing to a brother, then you want a clean life. It is the only way to stay clean that truly works.” Page 166

It’s important for sure, and this book has good stuff in this section, but it’s not the only thing that truly works, and it didn’t for me.

“Imagining the worst is helpful, especially for the guys who dabble with fantasy, pornography, and masturbation who think they will never cross the line. Just suppose you did fornicate or commit adultery.” Pages 180-181

No, you DID commit adultery by lusting. There is no line. You crossed the line in your heart even though there was nothing physical between two people. We can’t justify lust by saying we didn’t cross the line. See Jesus in Matthew 5:27-30.

“Knowing the impact of you falling helps you desire to protect those close to you from that pain and stay away from the road to trouble.” Page 181

Negative reinforcement can keep you out of trouble for trouble’s sake. But wanting to be trouble free out of love and gratitude is an even better motivator. You won’t want to do the things that cause trouble, instead of just not wanting to be caught.

“I find it helpful to make a daily commitment to stay on the right road and avoid the road to trouble. I accept that I am at war, not just with the devil and this very sexual culture, but also with myself. James 1:14 says that we are drawn away by our own lust. That means that left to myself, I could lust, I could think higher of myself than I should, or feel entitled to a better wife, life, or something else. I am like you—in a battle of my own flesh.” Page 186

I want that commitment to be who I am, not have to try to convince myself every day.

“I declare that I commit to love and protect all women today, that I hate all lust of all women in my heart or my mind, and that all women are made by God, for God, and going back to God.” Page 186

These are great. Just make them who you are in your core and you won’t have to work hard to believe them or stray from them.

“Intimacy anorexia is the active withholding of emotional, spiritual, and sexual intimacy from the spouse.” Page 199

Pretty good section here in the book!

“I have a passion for taking this land for Jesus, with sexually clean men in every church, from every denomination, in every town and city in our nation and beyond our borders.” Page 209

I have the same passion, but go about it a different way. I’ve tried his way, and had temporary success, and I’ve lived my way and felt entirely different as a result. 

“Ask yourself, If my son duplicates how I raised him regarding sexual purity, would I have strong or weak men down my sexual family tree?” Page 210

When I believed it was a battle for every man, I struggled and was powerless to help my own sons. Now, I feel like I’ve given them a leg up that few people have.

Conclusion: This was a book that was recommended to me before I had made my change of mind. I purchased it but did not read it at the time. Had I done so, I believe it would not have changed things for me as it’s solutions are the same things always prescribed in popular Christian books. Having read it after my change, I can see clearly what is truly clean (the mind and heart) versus what is clean only on the outside (performance, will power, accountability, and sin management). I don’t want to be guilty of what Jesus describes in Matthew 23:25-26 ESV: “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.  Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.

Chain Breakers

My personal friend R. B. Mears just released his book “Chain Breakers – A Novel about the Naked Truth” on Amazon Kindle. I was excited to read it, and it proved to be quite an entertaining ride. The story follows the protagonist, Matt, as he discovers a powerful truth most in the world and (especially in Christian circles) are completely unaware exists.

You can read the author’s description of the book below. It shows most of the plot, so nothing I have to say will be a spoiler. What I appreciated from this book was the innocence and childlike wonder that it portrays. Older characters are reawakened to simpler times when there was more freedom and less shame. Religious minds are educated about the way prudish thinking can trace its origins way back at the beginning in Genesis 3. Genesis 1 and 2 is a much better place to be and the situations in this story are very eden-like. Naturists know that even after the fall, this existence isn’t out of reach or beyond belief. This book isn’t shy about speaking of the way Satan has blinded so many as ruler of the world. (That’s a chapter in my upcoming book as well, so I was happy to see this largely ignored concept portrayed repeatedly.)

It’s fun, insightful, and inspiring. It motivates me to be even more bold in my outspokenness as to the effectiveness of Naturism to fix many problems that abound in society faster than anything. The proliferation of pornography and the abundance of body shame and low self-esteem are easily done away with through the tenants and beliefs of naturism. Young kids take center stage in this story teaching grownups what God can do through his power if we would but humble ourselves and believe.

The one phrase that came to my mind as I read the book was “unbelievably believable.” There are many scenarios and encounters that result in immediate transformation. Even the author writes the “unbelievableness” factor into dialogue in a couple of instances. It seems too good to be true and far-fetched. However, as a Christian naturist myself, I found the stories of instant night and day changes believable. That’s really what happened with me, so it was a joy to relive that through these many characters over and over.

Get the book here!

Mear’s tale of toughness, boldness, courage, and sensitivity will make your heart happy if you are one who has been freed from chains that held you back. If you are a in a bondage as you read, it is my friend’s prayer and ours as well, that you would be made free through the naked truth.

The name “Chain Breakers” is not just a neat club name and mission statement. It is also an homage to the oft stated resource of MyChainsAreGone.org, which we highly recommend. Fun fact: Aching for Eden is also mentioned in the story!

I recommend “Chain Breakers” to young people and adults as well, who are open minded enough to have faith like a child to reclaim the innocence and wonder of our created state.

Here are some of my favorite quotes:

Caleb held up a hand. “If you could, would you want to see porn right now?” Matt and Ben stopped their frisbee catch, and both looked at Sam. He shook his head and looked at each of them for a moment. “No. I really wouldn’t. It’d seem kind of gross right now.” Ben threw a look at Sam. “Praise God from whom all blessings flow!” (p. 42)

“I’ve found that only 1% to 3% of a populace will be those who seek the truth and embrace it. In philosophy, it’s almost a given that if you find yourself in agreement with the vast majority of people, you’re on the wrong side of an issue. The problem is, most people look to the crowd to decide what to believe, who to like, and even who to vote for.” Sam looked serious. “I’d rather be right than be popular. (p. 52)

his mom said. “Everything I’ve ever been taught screams that it was wrong, but I realize now the Bible had no issue with what we did. A year ago we both would have thought all that nakedness would’ve left our boys scarred. The truth is, they both seem like it was the best thing ever for them. Sam has changed so much I’d swear he’d been abducted by aliens if I didn’t know better.” Sam gave a short laugh. “I feel a lot different too, mom.” (p. 67)

…if your brother is teaching you kids about this, he needs to learn he’s playing with fire. Being naked in mixed company is the sort of thing that causes lust and sexual problems.” Matt realized the man was trying to make a point. “And wearing clothing all the time would fix that problem?” The man nodded, trying to sound authoritative. “Of course. That’s why we have to wear proper clothing.” Matt smiled. “No. Wearing clothes is surrendering to sin. Christ dying on the cross is the only thing that gives us the ability to crucify our sinful nature. We can rely on the blood of Christ to keep us from sin. My friends and I chose to circumcise our hearts, and because of that, we see one another innocently when we’re naked, as God intended us to do.” The man looked down on Matt. “Well, you’re still young enough not to be tempted by lust, but it will cause problems when you’re older.” Ben moved forward. “You’re wrong. My brother is seventeen, and we both used to look at hardcore pornography all the time. I know what lust is, what it feels like, and what it can do to your soul. My brother and I started going naked in our everyday lives to face the sinful nature and make it flee in God’s name. We learned a lot about it on a website called MyChainsAreGone.org. Because of that, porn is disgusting to my brother and me now. Look it up on that website and see for yourself.” The man looked completely confused. (p. 130)

Grandpa said. “It was a bit different then. Things were hard, but we boys had fun. This river was a lively place back then.” “Did you and your friends skinny-dip back then?” “Well, we didn’t call it that,” Grandpa chuckled. “We just called it swimming. No one had a swimsuit like boys do today.” “Were you just that poor?” “Well, we were poor, all right, but even the wealthy boys swam naked in the river. I expect a boy swimming in shorts back then would’ve been laughed at.” “What if people saw you?” Chris asked. Grandpa chuckled. “Son, everyone saw us. No one cared, and we sure didn’t. We weren’t bashful like boys are today. If someone had seen us and acted shocked, we all would’ve just laughed.” “That’s hard to imagine,” Chris said. “Not really,” Grandpa said. “If you had been raised with us, you would’ve gotten over your shame pretty fast. In a way, I feel sorry for your generation because you can’t experience that. I think you’d feel a lot different about yourself if you did.” (p. 146)

“I didn’t mean to make everyone mad,” Ryan said. Sam smiled disarmingly. “We’re okay, Ryan. That type of thinking just really seems sick to us now that we’re away from it. It has a pull on you now, but you can escape that pull the same way we did. You can be a part of this club and be accepted, but you have to practice innocent naturism.” “The de-scummification process has begun,” Mike said. (p. 215)

“The issue about clothing is the same. Most Christians have been tricked into thinking the body is evil, and throw away freedom of the body. They cover it in shame. Today the view of the body is owned by Satan. It’s almost like he has the copyright. God’s followers won’t even talk about the body in a normal way. If a kid is curious about God’s most wonderful creation, he has to go to Satan’s realm to see the body. Satan uses that power to destroy lives with his porn and sex outside of marriage. Modern Christianity has given Satan this power. (p. 248)

The truth is that Almighty God Himself is the author of mixed, innocent nudity. God proclaimed it as good. It was Satan who taught man to be fearful of being seen naked. “Satan didn’t like seeing God walk with man in the cool of the morning. Satan hated that Man was made in God’s image, and didn’t want to see it displayed. Now the question for all of you is this: Adam sinned, and brought us all into sin. But Jesus gave Himself to save us and undo what Adam did and more. (p. 267)

I just don’t get it. Why is it so important for everyone to be naked?” “Like I was telling you,” Matt said, “it isn’t important to be naked. It’s important to be able to be naked. It’s all about strengthening the connections between your body, mind, and spirit. If those connections are strong, your whole being gets stronger, and your connection to God can grow.” (p. 289)

“Okay, you say you’d give anything. What if it costs you or your parents nothing. No money at all, no work, and only fun? What if all you had to give up was the shame, fear, and self-hatred you’re feeling now?” “And clothes,” Ben said laughing. “You’d have to wear the clothes God made for you.” (p. 300)

“Today, you’ve all seen a great deal of evidence that what these young people have done is a good thing. The world will now do everything it can to shame you out of supporting it. You all have decisions to make about how you’ll handle this. (p. 328)

Here is the author’s description of the novel:

It is Matt West’s 14th birthday, and in a tense moment Matt finds himself rescuing another teen trapped and hanging by his legs from the sharp barbed wire on top of the stadium fence. Matt helps the boy escape, but the victim’s shorts remain hopelessly bound in the barbed wire, and the boy he rescues falls to the ground naked. Kids are gathering.

In a moment that changes his life, Matt hands the injured boy his own shorts — leaving himself completely naked. Matt refuses to hide, and defiantly stares back as a kid he doesn’t like videos him. Things seemed even worse when the sheriff pulls up and his 14-year-old daughter — who Matt knows — sees him naked.

Matt becomes a hero to his family and the first responders for his self-sacrifice, yet when the video goes viral on a pornographic web site Matt suddenly learns who his true friends are, and that pornography is a horrible plague for teens and young adults everywhere.

Matt’s friends learn of a web site called MyChainsAreGone.org that helps them defeat the effect of pornography in their lives. Together they skinny-dip in an old farm pond and learn that simple, innocent nudity is a powerful tool to fight the errors of modern Christian purity thinking of the body. As they study the Bible, they face temptation and sweep it out of their lives. The teens form a club called the Chain Breakers that helps other teens in their church and town escape the porn cycle and live free. As their church is split by their understanding, an old preacher explains they have learned a truth as old as the Bible itself, and that God can use their innocent naturism.

The families of these brave young men and women get organized, and a whole new Christian ministry of healing is formed. Read along as the Chain Breakers change lives, have fun, and learn about real freedom.

If you are struggling with the effects of pornography in your life or the life of someone you love, this book has been written to help you understand you can once again have the mind of a child when it comes to lust, worldly thinking, and porn. You can join a Christian Naturist movement that has accepted the power of Christ’s sacrifice to heal the mind that has been so damaged by Satan’s lies.

Addiction or Compulsion?

You often hear of porn issues in terms of being an addiction. Is it really an actual addiction, or is it a compulsion? Or is this merely an exercise in semantics? Does the distinction even matter? Let’s explore.

The case for it being an addiction naturally lies in the fact that it’s highly addictive. In fact, science seems to show that the bonding or imprinting that occurs through pornography is stronger than most drugs in many ways. Steve Pokorny’s book, “Renewed Vision” recounts much of the research on the science behind these questions. He states on page 13, “The chemical reactions set off when a person uses pornography are similar to those that occur when a person uses cocaine. Yet unlike cocaine, a porn user does not need a physical substance to get their high; he (or she) can simply use pornified images to set off a chemical cocktail in their brain and body.” In chapter 3, Pokorny delves into the ways dopamine, norepinephrine, testosterone, oxytocin, vasopressin, and serotonin all come into play in various ways that both hijack and damage the brain. They created strong attachments and dependencies that cause a craving for more. On page 85 of “Clean” by Douglas Weiss (which we shall review thoroughly very soon) he puts it this way, “Your brain is the pleasure center for your body, especially when you have a sexual release. When you release sexually, your brain receives the chemical mother lode of endogenous opiates. These opiates are the single highest chemical reward for anything you can ever do. You can run and work out, but sex is by far the biggest chemical high we get in life.”

What differentiates frequent porn use and actual drugs is the physical dependency. If you are coming off of drugs, your body will go through withdrawal. Coming off of porn also has its own version of detox, yet as stated, no physical substance is needed; it’s primarily mental. In my case, the “addiction” practically vanished overnight.

Quoted in Pokorny’s work are various studies that lobby for “compulsion” as the best classification for an attachment to pornography. Data does not seem to support that the problem is truly addictive. Page 81 tells of a study that was done to measure the late positive potential (LPP) which involves the brain science of emotions. Whereas with a drug addict’s drug of choice, there is a radical increase in these LPP levels, the research found a decrease in LPP levels when viewing sexual images compared to non-sexual images. The lead author of the the study, Dr. Nicole Prause, said “…it would seem advisable to drop the “addiction’ label when talking about people who are having issues regulating their porn use because it does not appear to be accurate.” However, the disclaimer is made that previous research using the term “addiction” should not be discounted. That said, there are many studies in secular spaces, like “Fight the new drug” that show how pornography is one of the most “addictive” “drugs” out there due to their accessibility and affordability and its effect on the brain.

Pokorny states on page 81-82, “As I have seen with some of my clients, many people who are hooked on pornography have a deep-seated belief that they can never be free. They have been programmed to believe that all they’re really capable of is ‘white-knuckling’ the issue and counting the days before their next fall.”

I asked a young man who said he was addicted to porn the following questions, as he was trying the same tired old solutions with no real success. I asked: Do you want to be addicted to porn a year from now? Did you want to be addicted a year ago? I didn’t want to be for 20 years, but I was, until I wasn’t. Almost instantly and effortlessly, I got to where I wasn’t, and I’m still not and I don’t ever see myself going back to that state again. Insanity has been said to be doing the same things and expecting a different result. If you are caught in an endless cycle, it’s insane to stay there and not try something new and outside the box!

For me, the point isn’t so much whether you call it an addiction or a compulsion. The fact is it was a problem. It limited my effectiveness and worse yet it hurt my family. As the father of boys, how could I expect them not to be a statistic when I was a statistic? It was like an addiction and it was a compulsion. When I did the regularly prescribed “Christian” ways of dealing with porn, I got the results you can expect— seasons of “victory” numbered in days, weeks, months, years if lucky, but always with a struggle. Since changing the compulsion and the motivation and my own desire, I haven’t had an issue and I don’t need to be counting either days or years! No more chips every month. No accountability necessary. No filter software or internet blockers. There’s no need for any of that.

Is Jesus cruel? It seems awfully cruel to make 50% of the general population out to be a constant threat of provoking men’s lust. Talk about cruel and unusual punishment! (Now I know men aren’t in danger. If anyone is in danger, it’s the women who have to deal with men who think there is only a carnal response available to them.)

Does this idea of God jive with scripture? Not in the slightest! Matthew 11:28-30 ESV says, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” The ever-present vigilance required to avoid the opportunity for lust when it’s virtually everywhere is not a light and easy burden. I know because I carried it for 20 years. Removing the expectation to lust makes all the difference and exchanges feelings of dread for the joyous living of every moment previously lost.

I made this meme the other day which shows the difference I feel every day. Praise the Lord for a better way!

Our former pastor was once talking about how men are hardwired to respond with automatic sexual arousal at the sight of flesh, and my wife snapped back at him, “No, you’re wrong! That’s what both the world and the church tell us all the time, but it’s not true. I know men who don’t respond like that.” When I believed as this pastor does, I would respond to visual stimuli in like manner. After rejecting that lie, the compulsion is gone and so is the addictive behavior.

Quotes from Kindle

A reader of this blog who goes by Arid Lasso has been creating these memes out of reading that he is doing. The books he is citing in these are books we have also recommended on our own resources page. I will share some of these a few of my own comments about the quotes. These and future memes our friend will create will also be featured in a collection on our memes page.

I think the first part of this quote would go unchallenged by most. Yes, we should view others incarnationally as sacred embodiments of God’s image, physical temples for His Holy Spirt, fleshly expressions of souls Christ died for. This bit gets mostly affirmed by the majority of Christians. But then the second part of the quote becomes unthinkable to the very people who embrace the first part. If the first part is true, then it should liberate us both from prudery’s impure thinking about the unclad human body and from pornography’s misuse of human nudity for self-gratification. So where is the disconnect? It’s an if then statement. If this is true, then this also is logically true. However, there is a cognitive dissonance in the porno-prudish mindset. Once that is broken, the logic flows and the liberation occurs.

This reaffirms what I was just saying. The logic has to be solid. The “inborn” response to nudity as bad is a mental glitch whose neural pathways must be remapped. This is what happened with me, and the former lie I had believed so long vanished for good. Reject that very body taboo and there is no need to defend a lie any longer. Everything changes, and our response to nudity does not cause uncontrollable lusts, but instead praise of the Creator and love for a fellow image bearer.

Our search must be a search for the truth. There can only be one truth if it is indeed truth. Our enemy is described in John 8:44 (NIV) this way: “He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” Contrast that with a verse just a few verses prior to this: “you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32 NIV)

When you look, it’s so easy to see the devastating effects of this form of thinking that is the default way of thinking. Religiously reinforced. While my main bondage was porn and lust, my wife’s bondage was body shame. We both needed deliverance. A redeemed view of the body as the image of God changed us both. These types of bondages in others are now so apparent to us, and it saddens us that, like in our case, years will be wasted without a liberating knowledge of the truth. There is freedom for those brave enough to seek it.

This is what happened to me. Purity culture may have had the best of intentions, but we instead have reaped the consequences of such training and conditioning. The attempts to curb impure thoughts through hyper modesty and covering up have been tried and found wanting. To say they’ve failed at restoring one’s sexual brokenness is an understatement. You say there has to be a better way. I say there is!

This quote is especially fitting at Christmas time, which is around the time you’re reading this if you follow the blog every week. Our Lord was made flesh and dwelt among us. The idea that flesh is bad and spirit is good is a gnostic heresy. While we can give mental ascent to this statement, and agree the heresy is wrong, we miss the fact that we live as though it is true. We decry heresy in one breath and embrace the heresy’s claim in actuality. Spirit good, body bad never ends well. Which is why Satan planted that idea from the very start.

This is one of those arguments that “textiles” don’t know how to handle. That exception and that of doctors and nurses really ought to have the whole house of cards come crashing down. Mrs. Phil delved into this type of reasoning of making exceptions to a non-existent rule in this article entitled, “It should be that easy!

I’m more and more convinced that legalists do not know they are legalists. I see legalism everywhere and those who hold legalistic views are often oblivious to that fact. Can well-intentioned individuals trying to honor God and please Him be in such grave error by doing so that it’s actually rebellion? I believe they not only can but do. They may do so unwittingly or because they learned to do it. That was pretty much my experience. I just finished Watchman Nee’s classic book, “The Normal Christian Life.” It is an amazing work and in it he says Romans 6 is about freedom from sin, and Romans 7 is about freedom from the Law. He argues that deliverance from sin is not enough, but that we also need deliverance from the Law. This is a light bulb type of revelation that many need to internalize!

Those in the church that would accuse Christian naturists of false teaching, are actually the ones guilty of promoting and perpetuating false teaching. Many are afraid to even broach the subject. More and more people are speaking out against the purity culture message, but they stop short of the full application of their new reasoning. They reject the blame game, and take responsibility for their own lust, but continue to be squeamish when it comes to nudity. Again, this gnostic heresy that gets played out in our modern times is the root of all that dehumanizes. Those humans who bear God’s image (and that’s all of us) are a blend of flesh and spirit that is complexly and perfectly intertwined. We cannot separate the two. What is done in the flesh is also done in the spirit. And what is done in the spirit is also done in the flesh. Can we be whole persons? Can we maintain purity in both aspects of Imago Dei: body and soul? Not likely if we persist in an attitude that holds as “bad” what God made as “very good.” Let’s stop avoiding the real issues, and stop trying to “cover up” the problem!

Sexual Response & Nakedness

This article first appeared on our friend’s site at www.nakedandunashamed.org. It is reposted here with permission.

In general, the assumption amongst the majority of non-naturists is that the sight of another naked human will cause sexual arousal or lust…especially the sight of a naked woman, by a man.

They say that experience is a great teacher and that if you can use other people’s experience that is even better as it can at times lead to wise decisions without having to make your own bad decisions first.

I’d like to take a few minutes with this article to address what I believe is the big lie that Satan has convinced the non-naturist world. He has convinced people that the sight of the beautiful creature that is the human body, made in the very image of our Creator is somehow shameful, sexual and dirty and will cause a sexual response. I can assure you based on firsthand experience and backed by the principles of the Word of God that the opposite is actually the case.

First, a little common sense…anything that is novel will gain attention. If the sight of a naked person is novel, then it is noticed. Anything that is common is ignored. When a person is only naked for a shower or sex, then nakedness is novel and therefore will garner attention and that can be in the form of a sexual response. When nakedness is common and in a nonsexual context often, then suddenly nakedness is no longer novel and it no longer garners a sexual response.

When a person first begins the journey to the Truth as it relates to the naked human form, they are forced to confront all kinds of mental and spiritual training that they have been subjected to that is contrary to the Bible and to experience. They are confronted with the fact that what they’ve been taught might have been wrong and that is a very discomforting emotion.

For example, when I was growing up I was taught “modesty” from I Timothy as meaning dressed from neck to knee for the ladies and long shorts for the guys at a minimum. It’s what I now refer to as our “Sunday Best”. There was no real Bible standard, it was basically whatever the pastor or church taught was modest, that was what the Bible meant. It was making Scripture conform to the pastor/church teaching rather than the other way around. As an adult when I studied the passage and its actual teaching, what I found that the Bible was actually teaching was the exact opposite of “our Sunday Best.” The real concern was that there were poor ladies in the church with literally nothing to wear and rich ladies in the church with their fancy and expensive clothing. The teaching was for the rich ladies to dress more “modest”…an old fashion word meaning humble. Well, the truth is that the most modest attire was to match the very poorest in the congregation. Notice the teaching went on to say not with braided hair, not with jewelry, etc…in other words “modest” or humble. Not the meaning that the church has ascribed to the Bible, but the correct meaning anyway.

Modesty was basically whatever the pastor or church taught was modest.

So, what does our experience tell us that the church isn’t? My wife and I have been biblical, nonsexual naturists for about the last 20 years now and this is the Truth of what we have found.

  1. The commonplace of nonsexual nakedness has led to a desexualizing of our minds and those around us.

We have visited over 20 family friendly naturist resorts across the country and 3 nude beaches and in every case, we have not seen one instance of sexual response at any of the locations we have visited. In fact, what we have found is that the commonplace of nonsexual nudity has eliminated the sexual response based solely on visual stimulation.

  1. We have seen our minds renewed to the point that we used to think the body was shameful, sexual, and dirty…we now see the body as made in God’s image, beautiful and nonsexual in nature.

We no longer view the naked body the way the world views the naked body, we view the naked body as God views it. Isn’t it odd that the church and Hollywood hold to the same belief regarding the body? Living as a naturist has changed that for us. We no longer see the body sexually…we see the body beautiful. All bodies, in fact…tall or short, skinny, or fat, black, or white. You see…when your mind is renewed you begin to see others as God sees them…not as sexual objects, but as beautiful creations of God…made in His very image.

  1. Sexuality becomes more about the relationship than the superficial.

The typical non-naturist is visually motivated. In fact, we are told by good-willed pastors all across the spectrum of denominations that men are visually motivated, so it’s up to the woman to dress modestly to keep the beast at bay. We are told that this problem is “every man’s battle.” I am here to tell you, that is a lie. It is told by Satan to continue the cycle of try, fail and eventually give up trying when it comes to conquering the addiction to pornography.

I can tell you that men and women have been programmed to think this way, but that the thinking is contrary to how God sees us and how God wants us to see each other. Addiction to pornography is a matter of incorrect thinking and incorrect thinking can be corrected. When a person experiences the commonplace of nonsexual nakedness…again, I said commonplace…they see naked bodies doing normal everyday things like mowing the lawn, doing the dishes, vacuuming the floors, gardening, taking a walk in the woods, swimming, playing volleyball, etc. and instead of a sexual response they now see the body as just that…a body.

Think with me for a moment…if this is you and you are now used to seeing naked people doing normal everyday things all the time with zero sexual context how does that change your thinking? You are no longer a victim of Pavlov’s experiment…you are a victor because you now see people as God sees them. You now see people as the wonderfully made creation that He intended from the very beginning when He made them naked and not ashamed.

You see what we’ve really done by teaching that the image of God is somehow dirty, shameful and sexual is that we have propagated Satan’s lie, rather than the Truth of God’s Word.

• God is the One who created us naked.

• God is the One who said that there was no shame in it. God is the One who called it “very good.”

• God is the One who questioned “who told thee…so we know He didn’t start the lie…someone else did…Satan did.

So, what about sexual relationships with our mates?

We have found that because of our lack of sexual response to visual stimuli that our sexual relationship has moved from the superficial to an emotional response.

Our sexual relationship is based more on our friendship now. Our sexual desire comes out of our spiritual connection.

Our intimacy has deepened as has our relationship and our lovemaking is now way better than it has ever been.

The fact that we are not visually stimulated by a simple naked body has not reduced our sexual response to each other, it has strengthened our sexual relationship and made it more intimate and more connected.

The fact that there is no sexual response at the sight of others naked has increased our trust of one another and therefore our intimacy.

It’s almost like, when you experience life the way God intended…naked and not ashamed that you find that God was right all along, which means that the standard teaching in the church was wrong all along.

This is disappointing and unsettling in the beginning because what you thought was foundational was wrong and now you wonder what else was I taught that was wrong as well. Do not let that uneasy feeling stop you from living the life that God intended for you, just realize that you now believe what God said and not what man/Satan twisted it into.

Finally Free?

Book Review:

I bought a book by Heath Lambert entitled “Finally Free.” There is much of the book that I enjoyed. I really appreciate his heart and dedication to the Lord. Sadly, I’m finding some of the same advice found in other books I’m critically reviewing, even though Heath says his is different. I will give him this, he does approach this issue a bit differently than most, but as we’ll see, it leaves me wondering if those who follow his advice will actually be “finally free.”

As in the last post of this nature, the author’s brief quotations will be bold and in quotation marks, and my comments written in real time as I read the book will be italicized. (A few of my comments have been edited for clarity.)

“Finally Free is not the typical man-centered self-help book that offers the reader shallow teachings and a hopeless future.” p. 1

I hope it’s not. But one look at the table of contents is bringing up some red flags for me.

“I have never met anyone whose life was radically changed by hearing (again) how damaging the pornography industry is and how they desperately need to think differently about it.” p. 12

I would tend to agree here. I believe thinking differently is vital and a key part in changing and having a renewed mind.

“This book is about something much better than pornography. This book is about the amazing power of Jesus Christ to free you from pornography.” p. 12

I would also say that true and lasting freedom comes by the power of the finished work of Jesus on the cross. Also, it is not my work at all. God does it aside from our own effort.

“Eagerness to be clear of pornography expresses itself in two practical ways. First, you pursue accountability. You need help in a struggle that is impossible to fight alone. Accountability entails enlisting other Christians who can help you think about strategies you have not considered, who can actively check up on you, and who will diligently pray for you. Second, eagerly seeking to clear yourself means you pursue radical measures to ensure you have no access to pornography. This enslaving sin is only defeated by drastic measures to cut it off from all angles.” p. 37

Wrong, wrong, wrong! This is just avoidance of the problem, not a solution to eliminating the problem.

“You will never be free from pornography until you acknowledge that in order to change you need the help of God through brothers and sisters in Christ.” p. 46

Is God not enough???

“Ben’s meeting with this group of guys was the only thing he was doing to fight against porn. As important as that is, it’s not enough. In other chapters, you will learn about other strategies that are needed to win the battle.” p. 47

Or more cumbersome man-made strategies that fail to do God’s redemptive work that he alone can do, and do so effortlessly.

“Sadly, this well-intentioned conversation illustrates several defective approaches to accountability.” p. 49

This chapter talks more about the problems with accountability than it does the good kind of accountability, which still, he states that it is not enough in and of itself, even when done correctly!

“God has given more spiritual authority to spiritual leaders.” p. 51

Hmm. Spiritual leaders have been woefully inadequate to quell the problem of porn and lust in the church. They have perpetuated these ideas that are not helping to eradicate the issues at the core.

“…not giving so much detail that it would fuel further temptation.” p. 53

Here he’s saying that in your accountability group you should spare everyone the details of your habits, so as to not tempt anyone else and give them ideas. I see what he’s saying, and I’ve been the victim in this. Guys in my youth group growing up were so surprised I had not masturbated in all my high school years. Their talk finally got me curious once I gained some more independence. However, this is part of the problem with traditional approaches. An honest approach would spare no detail if the resulting outcome is true freedom. It won’t be a temptation any more!

“Accountability oriented around questions and answers can devolve into a cat-and-mouse game in which the struggler provides legally precise answers that are something less than a full and open disclosure of sin. Even when the confession is totally honest, what gets confessed can easily be limited to the question asked… If you’re going to hold people accountable, you should actually hold them accountable.” p. 54-55

True victory is achieved only when there is no need of accountability.

“…true accountability requires an effort to be committed in the long term.” p. 56

No, all that is needed is a one time work of God changing how you view the body and others. It will work for the long haul easily.

“When people get lazy and stop trying, failure is not far behind.” p. 56

This is only if you do the band-aid approach and not true healing. It’s not bare-knuckling and your own will power that will bring success and victory. It’s not striving or trying harder. Change your mind, trust God, see people as made in His image, and the body as a beautiful creation, and watch failure be a thing of the past.

“Frog and Toad quickly realize that if they are ever going to stop eating cookies, they will have to do something to limit their access to them.” p. 59

This analogy is flawed. It supposed cookies are bad in and of themselves. Cookies are good. Porn is bad. While eating too many cookies is bad, just a little porn is still harmful. Bodies are not bad in and of themselves, nor is sex within God’s plan. A better analogy would be cookies that have poison in them and look similar, but are deadly. Porn is a counterfeit of godly sexuality and chaste nudity is porn’s antithesis.

“Many people struggle with pornography because it is so easy for them to get it.” p. 60

While it is easy to access, men struggle because we told them they would. Then we don’t tell them how to lose their appetite for lustful thinking. We don’t teach them to reject lies. All we offer them is sin management without true solutions.

Let me put it another way. Booze is easy to get. If you’re an alcoholic, it never ceases to be easy to access, but one has to learn to hate it and its drunken effects in order to be free of problems. As I write this, my sister in law is celebrating 10 years sober tomorrow. I’m proud of her and that she can go to the grocery store and be just fine.

“…we must act aggressively— every time we are tempted and in every way required to avoid the sin.” p. 61

How about not be tempted in the first place? That sounds to me like a better plan. And yet, it seems unfathomable to so many— like it’s the only sin Jesus can’t heal this side of heaven or something!

“The truth is that you could be all alone in a room filled with pornography and remain pure if you had no desire for it. In fact, this is the long-term goal. You will know you are finally free from pornography when you have full access to it and yet no desire for it. Though you’re not there yet, that’s where you’re headed. And in order to get there, you will need to change the way you think about pornography.” p. 63

This is SO true, and this is what I have been saying! But then what is suggested in the rest of the chapter and book is not the way to achieve this. Not at all.

“You will not have victory over pornography until you first have victory in the battles that come before you look. Foundationally, this battle begins in your heart—with your thinking.” p. 63

So renew your mind on the body and how you view others as the image of God! That’s the heart and mind shift needed and that God does instantly when the switch is flipped. Then, the war is over, let alone the battles.

“If you only attack the outward behavior, the problem will keep returning. You must uproot pornographic lust in your thinking, dealing with what Jesus unveils as the lustful intentions of your heart (Matthew 5: 28).” p. 64

Exactly. But these radical measures don’t do that.

“I can guarantee failure if you wait to begin the fight against porn until you are alone in the dark with your computer.” p. 64

Not if transformation has taken place!

“…there are three radical measures you can take with regard to your thinking.” p. 64

Nope, there’s only one, one time.

“…reach out for help.” p. 65

Repentance is not needed if you are healed, remember scriptures to thank God, you won’t have to reach out for help!

“…you must limit the time you spend alone—” p. 66

Doesn’t sound like freedom, but another type of bondage!

“I realize that after reading this, some of you are freaking out. Reading about these radical measures raises all sorts of objections…” p. 71

No, I’m freaking out because this is bad advice. The “cure” needs to solve problems, not create more problems. Again, this isn’t true healing! They are cumbersome methods of sin management, and unnecessary. 

“You can try to remove porn’s availability. You can eliminate your time alone. Yet you will still seek out porn if you desire it. This is why Jesus and the good news of the gospel is the only sure hope for those who want to be free from porn. Only Jesus has the power to change your heart desires, and he does this as you believe in his forgiving and transforming grace.” p. 72

This contradicts the whole chapter! Again, I agree, it’s only Jesus. It just doesn’t have to be a long journey and his work is done outside of your own effort or involvement! This advice is so ineffective if you are still sick! I think that was Heath’s point, but it’s a caveat that goes contrary to the rest of his content and advice.

“Outward radical measures do not change your desires…” p. 73

Another admission of man-man strategies not working at the heart level.

“These external measures are the first steps of change…” p. 73

In my experience, and that of thousands of other brave and outside the box thinkers, there is only one step. Yes, it’s unconventional, but it makes perfect sense. One of my friends stated, he does not think true victory is achievable aside from the normalization of non-sexual nudity and the mindset that comes from embracing Imago Dei fully. I don’t know that I can go there, but there is nothing like it that works faster or better!

“Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy” (Proverbs 28: 13). p. 76

I’m including this to highlight Heath’s use of scripture throughout the book. It’s a real positive to this volume. No argument here. Confession is important, first to God, then your spouse if married, then overcome your sin, lose the need for confession, and use your knowledge and testimony to help others!

“Tom made a critical error when he confessed to his wife. After he fessed up, Tom said something foolish before either of us in the room could stop him. He commented that perhaps if she had a more active sexual relationship with him, he would not have been tempted. His wife did not take that very well. Her response was understandable because Tom’s suggestion was selfish and wrong. This kind of statement transfers the responsibility for your sin onto another person. When you sin, you are the one responsible (Mark 7: 21–23). Other people can sin against you, make your life difficult, and entice you to sin, but they can never make you sin. When you sin, it is always your fault, and you should never say or do anything to make it sound like the fault lies elsewhere. If someone did sin against you, it is necessary to bring that up only after you have confessed and taken full responsibility for your own sin (Matthew 7: 1–5).” p. 85

I really appreciate this from Heath. This type of garbage (if I may be so bold) is believed and even taught in many Christian circles. I’m glad Heath recognizes this type of thinking, anticipates the objections, and swiftly refutes them. This is one of the ways this book is different than some others.

“Do you notice something about my effort to quit thinking about my old gray car? It isn’t working. Even though I’m trying really hard to quit thinking about that unpleasant automobile, my efforts are ineffective. Every thought that goes through my mind—though motivated by a desire to quit thinking about the car—only presses the image of it deeper into my mind. I need another strategy. My problem is that I am focusing on the very thing I want to stop thinking about. Instead, I need to start thinking about something else—something different.” p. 90

This is interesting. I submit that you have to reframe how you think about the body and other people. No one is an object. A person is more than the sum of their parts, way more! We know this instinctively, perhaps, but we still dehumanize others all the time. We have to think of human beauty as “very good” like God said at the beginning. We have to think of others as beautiful (not in the shallow ways of the world). We have to love and respect others. Humankind is the pinnacle of God’s creation. When we look through the pornographic mindset we will see temptation. When we see others as God does, temptation is non-existent.

“Jamie grew up in a nominally Christian, conservative home. When he left for college, he was what most would consider a good kid—responsible and hardworking. Jamie wasn’t at college for long before he became involved with a group of young men who introduced him to pornography. Jamie loved it. He had never seen a naked woman before and had certainly never seen sex. Jamie loved porn because it allowed him to enjoy women who, he believed, were prettier than anyone he could ever have a relationship with in real life, all without any fear of rejection. Porn was so easy and so fun that Jamie couldn’t get enough of it. At first he was shy about walking into a store to buy it, but he quickly got over his initial embarrassment. Eventually he placed a huge bookcase in his living room full of nothing but pornographic videos. Any shame he once had about using pornography was now gone… Jamie’s porn collection had grown so large that it now took up almost the entire basement. He would return home from work and descend into the basement to indulge in porn late into the night. He was often late for work because he had no strength to get out of bed after late nights watching actors fornicate on screen. Alyssa wanted out of the marriage. By now, however, she had given birth to twin daughters and was worried about how she could raise a family by herself. She tried fighting for her marriage to no avail. Jamie had moved a bed into the basement and would hardly speak to her. He lost his job and spent all of his time in the basement instead of looking for employment. One afternoon Jamie came upstairs and asked one of his daughters to come into the basement and play. Alyssa took the girls and left. Jamie is now in his sixties. He doesn’t have a job and lives with his elderly father. All he does, day after day, is look at porn. He doesn’t care about work, his ex-wife, or his grown daughters. He is a miserable sight to see. He is unshaven, has missing teeth, smells bad, and wears dirty clothes. Talking to him is nearly impossible, as it seems he doesn’t even know how to have a relationship with a real person anymore. Jamie’s story is a bad one. In fact, you might read this and feel pretty good right now, congratulating yourself that you’re not nearly as bad as he is. You might also be thinking you would never let your problem get so extreme. If so, you are missing the entire point of Proverbs 5.” p. 103

This is a very sad story. I agree with Heath that we should never justify our issues by saying they aren’t as bad as someone else’s. What sticks out to me in this tragic tale is, “He had never seen a naked woman before.” Had non-sexual nudity been normalized for him, instead of growing up sheltered and repressed, this would be a different story. This is why my wife is naked at times around my teenage boys. We believe this is the way to porn-proof them. They know what a real woman looks like, and are learning that there’s just not much of an allure or mystery to a body. It’s just a body. It’s not the big deal that others make it out to be. They are learning to despise pornography for the way it objectifies and creates a false fantasy, and they are seeing real love and commitment in their parent’s example. Where I was once powerless to help them as they grow, now I have the knowledge and experience to share with them and have them be different than their peers.

“I don’t think your wife should fill that role [accountability]. You should treat your wife as your wife. She should be free to treat you as her husband. It is a deadly poison for a marriage when a wife becomes a cop policing her husband’s activity, asking him all kinds of questions, and examining his Internet reports. Your wife needs to know you have a faithful accountability partner doing those things so she can have peace of mind as she focuses her energy on being married to you.” p. 104

No, she needs peace of mind knowing that she can trust you without any accountability! Trust me, this is better. I’ve had accountability partners, and against Heath’s advice, I’ve had my wife fill that role. I actually had her give me a chip for every month I’d been “good.” She could usually tell when I was lying or when I’d “fall off the wagon.” Now I don’t need any accountability or any software, and we are loving life and each other like never before.


As stated, much of Heath’s book was enjoyable and good. These would be parts where I took issue. The differences are glaring. My experience flies in the face of the radical measures Heath suggests, in exchange for an even more radical measure, but just one. That said, Zondervan would probably not publish my book!

Woefully Inadequate

I have a habit of looking intently at what the Christian world is saying about pornography addiction. The good thing is it’s being talked about more openly. The bad thing is that conventional Christian wisdom on the subject is woefully inadequate. I wrote some about this in the post titled “Save your money, sanity, and dignity!” I mentioned in that post that I may feature some books I’ve read along with the notes I took while reading them. I read material hoping to find something different and something that actually works, but even those who claim to be different recycle the same sad ideas that are failing miserably. Today, I’ll cover just one chapter. I bought this book because I knew there would be one chapter dedicated to lust and pornography. I love reading on kindle and highlighting certain parts and adding notes. I hate it when I see the same ole tired advice, however.

Before I get into the quotes and notes (with limited commentary) I have to share a few qualifiers. 

First of all, my critiques are not ever directed toward the good hearted individuals promoting these ineffective strategies. In this case Patrick Morley has made a tremendous impact on men’s ministry for thousands and thousands of men over the years. I’m grateful to him and others and their positive contributions and ministries. I’m sure this book is wonderful. I just found this particular chapter to be lacking.

Second, since I’ve found true and lasting freedom with no help from popular techniques or practices, I’ve become very passionate about the truth and that can sometimes come across as arrogant. This is never my intent. I have to constantly remind myself that I thought the same way most of my life. Now that I’ve overcome what was once thought to be virtually impossible to eliminate, I have to be careful not to be harsh toward those who can’t fathom this level of freedom.

The book I bought to read is “The Christian Man: A Conversation About the 10 Issues Men Say Matter Most” by Patrick Morley. Chapter 8 is ironically (in my opinion) called “Lust: The Right Way to Deal with This Powerful Drive” – I say ironically, because I didn’t see a right way in there. In fact, the big idea for this chapter is: “the practical solution to lust for most men is to get married and enjoy regular sex with their wife.” My reaction is: Seriously? That’s the best you can do? That’s just purity culture all over again. Marriage doesn’t guarantee fidelity and integrity! I thought that would fix my issue. How many others thought the same? That’s what we were told. It’s a lie. Even a good marriage and good regular sex is no solution if you have a perverted way of thinking.

Ok, let’s get to the quotes and then my notes (his words will be bold and in quotation marks while my reaction will be in italics):

“I have always felt too uncomfortable to teach this material in depth at the Man in the Mirror Bible Study until, essentially, I was forced to as part of my preparation for writing this chapter!”

Being so unformfortable with a topic, that you were forced to look at it does not bode much confidence in your level of expertise in this area.

“I don’t know how it could be any clearer: If you have chosen marriage, Satan will tempt you if you don’t have regular sex. If you want to go on a “sex fast,” you can, but only by mutual agreement and not for long. To be blunt, if you’re not horny, you’re more likely to exercise self-control. Bottom line: Our sexual design is a powerful, primal force. Having regular intimate relations with our wives is the biblical solution to block the corruption of that design by sexual immorality, including lust.”

I’ve written and re-written this comment a few times as it’s a touchy subject but it is the crux of the matter with my and many others’ frustration with popular Christian teaching on sex, especially “obligation sex.” The underlying premise is that men are are highly susceptible to sexual temptation if their wives aren’t meeting their “God-given” needs enough. I believed this type of mindset for most of my life until I rejected it as the lie it is. Much could be said here, and I will probably expand on this topic in an future article all by itself. For now, let me direct you to a podcast by some ladies (Sheila Wray Gregoire and company) who are working hard to undo a lot of the harm that comes with this teaching. They talk openly and frankly about many items which aren’t brought up very often, such as consent and marital rape. They give voice to 20,000 women surveyed in their research (that’s a massive study and important data!). While they are asking hard questions and pointing out valid problems, in my opinion they don’t go far enough with solutions, but they are at least moving in the right direction. The sad truth is unhealthy men in many cases can abuse their wives in several ways while appearing to be godly in the process. Those are startling words to take in, but unfortunately I believe them to be true. I was once complicit in these types of abuses, that are typically overlooked. Give this podcast a listen if you have the courage to do so. 

Patrick makes a common disclaimer here in quoting 1 Corinthians 7 allowing for moments of temporary abstinence by “mutual agreement” in order to distance himself from any allegation or criticism of this nature. And while he would not condone any of the evils I’ve mentioned, this is often the logical end result of the ideas being perpetuated even in his own quote, if you read between the lines. This is so common in these resources! The consequences can be quite tragic. We need to be better!

“This is not a chapter on how to have great sex, but on how to deal with lustful thoughts.”

Deal with lustful thoughts? How about eliminating them?

“Every man is wired by God to appreciate beauty of all kinds—sunrises, mountain vistas, newborns, soccer, and so on. But a woman falls into an altogether different and exclusive category.”

Why? Says who? Surely not the same God as we see in Genesis 1-2?

…men think about sex nineteen times a day on average.”

They’ve been conditioned to do so. That was the case with me. Not anymore.

“As men, the main way we experience sexual attraction and arousal is through sight.”

That’s the lie that abounds. I think an exclusive and intimate relationship is a better way to attraction and arousal with your wife and with her alone. I’ll write a piece called “The wife of your youth” soon to explore more on this.

“He [David] didn’t go up to his roof to look for a naked woman so he could be sexually aroused (provided that’s true, and I think we can plausibly assume it’s true).”

David’s sin of adultery was probably premeditated. I think it’s likely that he went up there for that very reason. It was a common occurrence, and he knew what he was doing and sought it out, and when seeing wasn’t enough, he had to have Bathsheba.

“[We can also be] surprised by a sensuous waitress, the suggestively dressed coed who attracts your attention at the gym, a sex scene you didn’t seek out… Sex, of course, is everywhere. But in our cultural moment, seduction is inescapable. We’re bombarded. The visage of a shapely woman walking down the street comes to mind, or a scantily clad model who suddenly appears while scrolling through what should be a harmless news feed. But these images burst into our minds like a guest who doesn’t knock. When a sex scene comes on your screen, is that for you a temptation to lust or the sin of lust? It depends. It’s not lust to “stumble” onto a temptation.”

This is the tragic reason why men are so weak and frankly immature; we tell them over and over that these little situations are so dangerous. It’s sickening! We must always be on guard if we haven’t renewed our minds on how we view the body and other human beings, made in the image of God! Once you remove the desire in the first place, temptation goes away completely.

“It was a bare-knuckles brawl between old habit and new commitment. My face was half twisted toward her, but my eyes bulged out to stay glued on those peas. ‘Finally the battle began to subside. A few moments later it was over. I had won. God gave a spiritual victory. I still am tempted to lust, but God has given me the power to have victory every time I ask him to help.’”

This is a story about a guy focusing all his attention on 3 peas on his plate to avoid looking at a “very sensual woman.” What a terrible way to live! And it’s unnecessary.

“[His] wife, Sarah, asked him, ‘Are you intentionally not looking at other women?’ When Mike said, ‘Yes,’ Sarah said, ‘You have no idea how secure it makes me feel to know that you only have eyes for me.’’

I had a similar experience with my wife, but now I have seen that the covenant with my eyes which Patrick is referring to from Job 31:1-4 is not as he describes it here. And in the verse’s immediate context it refers to the thoughts. It’s not about what you see, but how you react and think about what you see. Bouncing your eyes solves nothing!

“There’s no reason you can’t make it your covenant too. I did many years ago. I haven’t been able to keep it fully, but I’ve sure done a lot better having made the commitment than not.

Exactly- you won’t keep it fully until you change your mindset. Then it will be easy to keep it and fully.

“Job’s covenant requires will power—your will and God’s power.”

I know it can’t be, but it sounds like you’re saying God’s power isn’t enough. The logical deduction is that God needs us. That’s just not true. As long as you believe that, you won’t see God’s power and transforming effect, because you think he needs your involvement. He’s powerful enough regardless of any of our efforts. Our will power is feeble and frail. We need God plus nothing.

“Let’s be honest: you can’t resist googling something you shouldn’t or thumbing through the Victoria’s Secret catalog on your own—at least not every time. If you haven’t already done so, consider making “Job’s covenant” right now as a call to action. That’s what Mike did.”

Let’s be honest, even though Mike made this covenant, he’s going to fail because you told him as much, and didn’t offer him real hope or a better alternative.

“He [David] graduated from “seeing” her to “watching” her. Instead of turning away, he stared.”

This is predatory behavior from someone who is conditioned to think these desires are unavoidable. Instead of preying on any woman, I’d rather be a protector of all women.

At this point it was either turn away or lust was inevitable.”

Aha! There it is. The notion that lust is inevitable is so strong in Christian books. It’s like we can’t imagine our men being equally as strong or mature!?

“Lust is sexual desire out of control.”

No, it’s just the desire. If you remove that desire, you have nothing to have to control. The commandment against killing my brother is so easy to keep, because there’s no desire to do so (hopefully)!

“Adultery type 2 is mentally having sex with someone not your wife, or lust.”

Absolutely agree! No argument here. This is part of what is missing in the usual discussions.

“Nevertheless, ‘mental’ adultery is not the same as “physical” adultery.”

Wait just a second, didn’t you (and Jesus for that matter) say it was the same? It IS the same and needs to be viewed as the same. There are some different ramifications, granted, but it still is adultery. As long as we make distinctions, we won’t treat it with the same severity, and we need to.

“You can’t commit adultery with your own wife.”

Yes you can. It would help to study some of Pope John Paul II’s “Theology of the Body” to better understand both lust and purity of heart. 

“What I’m about to tell you is opinion—please read it accordingly. You can masturbate and not sin.”

I suppose it’s a matter of opinion and conviction. I’ve determined as a married man to have my wife’s direct involvement with any and all of my orgasms. It’s been surprisingly simple to keep to this. It doesn’t feel cumbersome. It’s a joy to have and honor this conviction.

“When you see a beautiful woman and feel an attraction, here’s what you should do: Pause and say, ‘Thank you, God, for this beautiful woman whom you have reverently and wonderfully made. I pray she knows you, or one day will know you, the way I know you.’ And then move on.”

This is ok. This is some good advice. I appreciate this; I just don’t think it goes far enough. To renew your mind is to see the other person as a whole person (not just an object), an image bearer, beautiful and deserving of love, respect, and dignity on that basis alone. I’d rather die than objectify another human being reducing them to the sum of their parts. That’s the mind change.

“Look once, you’re human; look twice, you’re a man; look three times, you just disrespected your wife.”

Not just disrespected. You’ve committed adultery in your heart because you looked with intent.

“Nobody is forcing us to lust. Lust is our own fault.”

True. It’s our fault alone- not our hardwiring or any external stimuli. So no excuses! And no more pressuring wives to “put out” more or “be more sexy” in the guise of protecting you from having a lust problem. That’s victim blaming and it’s wrong and gross. Why can’t we see this?

“Here are several practical examples of how you can flee sexual temptation:”

These, like so much advice given, are mere avoidance techniques and sin management. We have to do more than treat the symptoms of a greater and more dangerous disease. We have to kill it at the root and eradicate the problem. Or using another metaphor, don’t just brush away the cobwebs, which will surely come back as long as the spider lives! See Romans 8:13.

“Give a brother or your small group permission to hold you accountable…”

You can lie and fake it.

“Even if you have a group of men asking you weekly, “Have you sought out any sexually explicit materials this week?” you can still lie to them.”

Thank you.

“Run as fast as you can from any group that reinforces the notion that all men “struggle” with lust and so it’s acceptable. Men in those groups can rarely testify to God’s power to change their lives in this area.”

My point exactly. It’s better to not even have the need for accountability in the first place. 

“…was still struggling with unwanted sexual behavior. He said, “PG-13 gives me hungry eyes.”

I like that term “hungry eyes” – it describes so many men today and myself at one time. The problem is you are opting for junk food instead of a gourmet meal that is a healthy and loving committed relationship with your wife (if married). Hungry and thirsty should describe your desire for righteousness not for sexually provocative and relationally empty conquests.

“He said, ‘I had a broken mind.’”

Yes, indeed. But behold, Jesus is making ALL things new, including your mind, if you’ll let him (Revelation 21:5, Romans 12:1-2).

“…the leader of a ministry that specializes in sexual purity said, ‘One hundred percent disclosure in brokenness, humility, continued transparency, and confession to the people you care about is the only way out.’”

Nope. The only way out is not confession, but a redeemed mind to see others as God sees them.

“Steve has now been free from bondage to pornography for three years. ‘I’m still tempted all the time,’ he said. ‘But now I immediately text my wife and tell her what’s happening.’”

He is SO not free! It breaks my heart that this is viewed as success. I have been free for three years, but I’m no longer tempted. And it’s been so different than the 20 years prior! I know it’s a permanent change, not just temporary victory. I’ve had sustained times of victory in the past, but always with a constant struggle. Now, the struggle is gone. It does not have to be every man’s battle!

“Objectifying women and thinking about sex constantly became a daily struggle.”

Objectifying is the key word. But again, it’s only a struggle because you think it will be. We have this unhealthy fixation on certain body parts due to a hyper-sexualized culture and the constant warnings about it from the church, which only serve to reinforce this dehumanizing view of other people.

“Today, Miguel is living in victory over pornography. He said, ‘That doesn’t mean I’m not tempted. I still have pornographic images pop into my mind, and I’m not perfect.’”

Miguel’s story as told by Patrick is a very sad story, and I’m glad it’s better, but this is still NOT full victory!

“…they can be free from compulsive behavior, but it’s going to be a lifelong battle. They’re going to be tempted every day.”

No, no, no!!

“Miguel, who now lectures on porn and sexual purity…”

What? After what I know of Miguel from this story, it seems like the blind leading the blind.

“[Miguel’s] own intentional plan…”

This is indeed “his own” plan. He and so many others. It’s not God’s plan. God, the only one needed for immediate, lasting, and permanent change, is sorely missing in this awful plan.

“Confess to everyone you can—”

Or just to God and your wife (if you’re married). Get the real solution and then help others with your testimony.

“Ask them to monitor your computer with software like Covenant Eyes.”

Save your money and be trusted without these aids. Again, you’re not truly free if you have to depend and rely on these filters. 

“Purge all pornographic content from your home, your devices, your social media accounts, etc. Delete apps, people, websites, etc. that may be triggering lust.”

Trade one bondage for another, it would seem. And still not be free from either!

“The best way to overcome temptation is to not put yourself in a position where you will be tempted.”

Wouldn’t the very best test of whether you are free or not be to spend time in the place that is unthinkable, where temptation is all around you (say like a nude beach)? If you are fine, then you are truly free! I know this sounds crazy and unconventional and like the worst advice. But it worked for me and for thousands of others and a true cure to pornography and lustful thinking.

“When you fail—and you will—”

I’m wondering why I wasted my time on this chapter if you, like other authors, are just admitting defeat here!

“Ed Cole, a pioneer in men’s ministry, wrote a story in his magnum opus, Maximized Manhood, about a men’s retreat in Eugene, Oregon…”

This was a good story and a good point that’s worth reading. But then I still was asking how those men are going to overcome their longings after repenting? It will continue being a struggle and temptation, as long as you think it will be.


I want to end with a story he used to open and set up this chapter on lust. It shows just how pervasive the habits of thinking sexually like the world have become, even among those who are supposed to be leading spiritually. I don’t want to be too critical of the pastors in this story, because that would’ve been me too, as long as I believed the lie that all men are visual, etc.


“At a conference away from home, several pastors went to lunch together and were waited on by a strikingly beautiful, sensuous waitress. You could hear the sexual energy crackle in the air. The temptation they felt to lust was so arresting that each man muttered his order into his menu so as not to stare. As she exited into the kitchen to place their orders, they all sat speechless staring at their place mats. As Mark Rutland told the story to our Bible study group, the senior man finally broke the ice in his own inimitable way. “Well, God hath made the heavens and the earth.” They all nodded in agreement. “Oh, yes.” Then he said, “And all that is in them hath God made.” “Yes, that’s right,” they agreed. “And also all humanity hath God made,” he continued. “Yes, God made humanity,” they chimed in perfect cadence. Then the older pastor nodded his head toward the kitchen door where their waitress had just disappeared and said, “And God hath made some nifty humanity, hath he not?” They all howled, and the spell was broken… If even pastors can be so easily tempted to lust, one thing should be crystal clear: no man is immune from the temptation to lust. As one man put it, ‘My three greatest temptations are money, pride, and bikinis.’ Any man who says he doesn’t struggle with the temptation to lust is lying. Plain and simple.”

Good writing, but my experience and the testimony of many new friends causes me to vehemently disagree. Or I guess I’m lying! (I’m not.)

See more posts on lust by clicking here.

Reflections on the Journey

It’s been 2 years since the crazy day in October when Phil told me he was a Christian naturist. Lately I’ve been reflecting on all that the last two years have held for us. Looking back, I’m blown away by the transformation that God has done, not only in our individual lives, but also the transformation that has taken place in our marriage, in our family, and in our spiritual lives. God has taken us on quite the spiritual ride!

This morning I was preparing dinner. Baking bread and putting soup in the crockpot. Since I wasn’t cooking bacon, I did all of this nude. I began remembering a time when I was uncomfortable being nude alone! Yes, really! Shortly after our talk in October 2019, Phil encouraged me to try to get comfortable being nude at home. I thought it was so weird! What if someone came to the door?? I remember the first time I opened the blinds in my laundry room and let the sun shine in (we have high windows and I am short so there was no chance anyone would see me). The sun felt so good!

Phil and I were laying in bed a couple nights ago unwinding before sleep. We have an open door policy at our house now. If the door is open or unlocked you are welcome to come in. If it is locked, go away. The other night, Phil and I reflected on what it was like at the beginning. I was terrified to be nude in front of our kids. I was afraid it would scar them for life! I remember sitting in our room in November of 2019 and Phil encouraging me to just go to the kitchen and get a drink while the kids were watching TV in the living room. I remember crying worrying about it. I remember our now 17 year old walking in our room while I was under the blanket and asking, “Are you naked?”. When I responded yes, instead of hugging me good night, he rolled his eyes and huffed and went upstairs. I was devastated! I remember having conversations with each of our boys telling them why we were changing our minds about the body and why we felt it was ok for us to walk around our house nude. They all understood. I remember the slow progress we made with them. Our daughter was still young enough that she didn’t have an issue with it at all. We have come a long way! Our children wander in and out of our room nightly now.- just to chill or to talk. They are no longer phased by our nudity. It’s normal for them. None of them are walking around the house nude, but I consider it a win that they are seeing the body as normal.

They are no longer phased by our nudity. It’s normal for them.

I remember our first trip to the naturist park in the middle of December. It had snowed the day before and we were praying for the sun to be out. God is so good and the sun was shining and it was a balmy 46 degrees Fahrenheit. The closer we got, the more nervous I became and started to wonder if we were doing the right thing. When we arrived we were met by the nicest man ever! He knew I was nervous and never pressured me to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with. On top of that he was (and is) a Jesus follower and I was so grateful for that! Even though we didn’t see many people that day, I am so grateful for the interaction and conversation we had with that man. I am convinced that the Lord used him to help me! I remember walking along one of the trails that day with nothing but my furry boots on and even with the cold temperature, we stayed on the trail for an hour before retreating to the hot tub. I remember feeling the sun on my whole body for the first time. I will never forget the feeling of freedom and the closeness I felt with God that day!

I will never forget the feeling of freedom and the closeness I felt with God that day!

I remember jumping into the deep end with our naturist marriage retreat and how weirdly natural it felt to be with these fellow believers who also were enjoying letting the bodies God gave us breathe. Those people are amazing parts of my spiritual family now. I remember my first time on the nude beach and how awesome it felt to play in the waves and lay on the sand.

I remember all of the times we have been to the park and all the new friends we have made and all the fun. All the deep spiritual conversations we’ve had and all the encouragement given. When we aren’t there, we long to return.

God took something that was meant for evil (a pornography addiction) and turned it into good using naturism. That’s what God does if we will let him. If we will get out of the way and listen to the Lord, he will open new doors for us. He will show us his love and grace in ways we never could have imagined! I’m so grateful that he had prepared my heart and mind, even when I didn’t know it was happening, to be able to embrace my husband and this journey. Even though I’ve been a Christian since I was 7, God used naturism to start me on a new spiritual path. I was stagnant and stale and really dry bones, but God challenged me in my thinking, starting here and it continues. Are you up for the challenge?

Save your money, sanity, and dignity!

Since being made free from my bondage to pornography (something I thought might never happen), I’ve been on a mission to help others experience the same kind of breakthrough. 

It grieves my heart (and probably God’s too) that so many are making a buck off of the freedom business. They promise success for a price. I’m convinced now more than ever that the solutions you pay for aren’t solutions at all, you will remain a paying customer or perhaps struggle less but still not be a fully free individual.

I want to be clear. These are good-hearted people honestly wanting to help others. I’m not against having a calling and a ministry and keeping the lights on. I’m even writing a book (very much a labor of love). I will charge a modest price for it, while the blog remains absolutely free. Some of the prices for learning how to break free (courses, coaching, etc.) are ridiculous! And I have a big problem with the software companies and their subscription based accountability. That’s highway robbery.

It’s something that should be free. There’s not a secret formula. No one should get rich off of another person’s misery.

I also have nothing against professional counseling and therapy. It is sometimes needed and can be very helpful. What I am saying is that my experience (and that of many people I’ve come to know) shows an easy path to freedom that shouldn’t and needn’t cost a dime.

So I want you to save your money. At the same time you’ll save your own sanity and restore your dignity in the process. I hate it when something sounds too good to be true. Often those are just scams. I’m aware this sounds a bit like that one of those advertisements, but it isn’t. I would argue that the others (and the examples shown above) are. Why? Because I’ve tried them and came up wanting. They didn’t work. They are man-made strategies that are ineffective. They are behavior based. They are coping mechanisms. We weren’t meant just to cope! Avoidance makes us hyper vigilant and does nothing to solve the root issues. Freedom is not something you can white knuckle and just try hard through your own will power or through accountability. You can’t be guilted or shamed into freedom.

I’ve read more in the last couple of years than I ever have before. I’ve made it a point to read books that I know do not contain the answers they claim to have, just so I can see what is being put out there to try and help people. Even those that say they are different tend to rehash the same tired ideas, and it breaks my heart!

Compared to my own experience, everything that is suggested by conventional Christian wisdom on the subject is entirely too cumbersome and hard work, which leaves you in another type of bondage altogether. It’s not freedom. The authors or “experts” often concede that you will still have triggers and warn against relapses, even if you follow their plan. If you aren’t truly free you can always find ways to cheat the system. Until you’re free, the best of these techniques will continue to disappoint.

Please hear that not everything in these resources is bad. Many are in fact very good, but don’t go far enough in getting you to think differently about the body and your fellow image bearers. Most still have an underlying deep seated dualism that at the core sees the body as bad and the spirit as good. This goes against the correct view of Imago Dei that has our bodies and souls intertwined. The gnostic heresies of old are back with a vengeance, and many are caught unaware.

Many are starting to speak out about the damages done by purity culture and its teachings, which have even left many with actual PTSD! Others go deeper to explore why you have this compulsion in the first place. They say if you go back in your story or history and learn to be kind to yourself, you can start the hard work of recovery. That could be a good exercise, but the fact is we are broken and need to be fixed, restored, dare I say redeemed. It’s my opinion that tragically none of these offer an ideal solution to bring about healing and bringing about complete sexual integrity. They stop shy of the goal, a renewed mind that sees others as God sees them. When you let God do the work, he finishes the job aside from your own efforts. The result will be zero desire for anything that objectifies another person.

While I may do a series of book by book constructive critique posts, I’ll demonstrate my attitude before obtaining freedom of the grip of lust and porn on my heart to the new way that I experience daily life.

THIS OR THAT

I remember the story at the beginning of “Every Man’s Battle” where the author recounts getting in a car wreck because he was looking at a lady jogging while he was driving. That was a wake up call for him, and an effective hook for the book. I could relate to that as I, too, used to typically feast on whatever visual stimuli was available at any moment. It was my automatic because I thought and was told it was every man’s automatic. Now that my mind has been miraculously renewed, I see the world through new eyes. Noticing is not a sin, nor is appreciating beauty; the sin is a lustful intent, coveting what is not yours, and objectifying another human being.

Today, I may notice a woman who has the body most women would dream of having, but what I focus in on is truly intriguing. Maybe she has some fake eyelashes, and out of love and compassion, I pray for her in my head: “Why do you feel the need to wear fake lashes and such heavy make up? You don’t need this stuff to feel secure!” You better believe that’s a whole lot better than the thoughts I used to have.

Then I may see another woman who has a more normal body shape out running, and my heart goes out to her as well: “Good for you for becoming more healthy, but do you know that you are beautiful just the way you are?” No matter what the situation, I see women as whole persons with a life, and a story, and quite possibly one full of insecurities. Honestly, I hate to admit it, but I used to gaze at others with the look of a predator. I wasn’t technically a predator, but every woman was visual prey- not all the time, but often enough! This is how I was conditioned to be, and I hid it well. I didn’t want to be that way. I felt guilty about it, but I didn’t know how to replace that thinking with something better.

It takes both a realization and admission of this depraved reality to get better. Thankfully, having acknowledged that terrible condition, now I see myself as a protector of all women. Temptation used to be literally everywhere. Now temptation in this area is absolutely nowhere. It may seem over simplified, but here’s what I believe. When you really boil things down, a man is either be a predator or a protector. I don’t normally like to be so binary, categorizing people in their thinking as either a one or zero. Life is more nuanced than that. Not everything can be black or white due to various shade of gray. However, at the heart level, I stand by these two distinctions and say a man is either this or that. Even if he is a passive onlooker, that is predatory behavior, because he is not protecting his fellow image bearers. Hear me. This isn’t discounting the strength of women. It’s protecting the dignity that comes with women reflecting one half of the image of God. This isn’t toxic masculinity. It’s simply a call for men to take responsibility and stop the blame game once and for all.

Protect the dignity of the women around you. It’s what God did with Hagar. It’s what Jesus did with the Samaritan woman, the woman caught in adultery (what ever happened to the man?), and Mary Magdalene. The Lord is a protector of people. He comes down hard against those who would use and abuse others.

Stay tuned for more and further exploration of the woefully inadequate solutions the church is proposing today to address this issue.

P.S. Of course, my go to resource to recommend (aside from this blog) is mychainsaregone, and it’s free too!

To Be Nude is Enough

The following is a guest post by a reader of this blog who is now a friend we have met in person. We’ll call him John Figleaf here. We appreciate his vulnerability in his testimony and are thankful he is sharing this piece with us on this blog.

I finally realize that all I really longed for was to be nude – and accepted in it. It’s been a lifelong journey of dealing with sexual frustration as a human male. Part of that journey was as a young Catholic, another part as an agnostic, and the last part as a loved son of Father God.

My young formative years were filled with all of the expected religious shame associated with my body – confessing sins that were not really sins at all but just a youthful discovery of how my body worked. Other unfortunate incidents brought a genuine shame from acts that were instilled in me from others and brought a very real measure of sexual confusion.

Later years shaped all of that sexual confusion and frustration into a heavy burden of addiction that seemed impossible to remove. When I became a genuine follower of Jesus at the age of twenty-nine, the Lord instantly delivered me from a horrible alcohol addiction. But for many years I wondered why Father God didn’t heal my sexual frustrations and deliver me from its associated addictions.

For many years I wondered why Father God didn’t heal my sexual frustrations and deliver me from its associated addictions.

Sexual lust was always looking for a way to be satisfied in my life, but the flesh is NEVER satisfied. Fortunately I was able to keep limits on the addiction and always remained physically faithful to my wife, but the love-hate relationship with pornography is always destructive. Realizing I could not break free (in spite of trying all of the religious tactics), I began to acquiesce by looking for the “good” porn. I even ended up on a so-called Christian website where contributors would write articles and stories of their marital sexual lives. Eventually I realized that it was still lust filled exploitation by confused followers of Jesus.

Throughout many of these years I also approached my life issues like King Solomon in the book of Ecclesiastes. Trying everything and searching for wisdom and understanding. I began to open myself up completely to Father God as described in Hebrews 4:13 – “but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give an account.” As I began to share all the gory details of my sexual life with Father God I began to notice a pattern of restoration and freedom beginning to evolve.

This eventually led me to an understanding of Naturism. Sometimes non-Christians have a much better understanding of certain aspects of life than “religious” believers. And that is certainly true of Naturism. I discovered I had much to learn from them and began to devour everything “Naturism” in blogs, podcasts, and books.

Then the Lord took me one step further in understanding the joy and special freedom from a Christian Naturism perspective. To understand the naked human body as the image and likeness of God with no shame attached to it was a special revelation from my Father. It was one of those things that moved from the head to the heart. The glory of the body was now viewed through this revelation with a deep appreciation for His very special creation.

When the Lord delivered me from my alcohol addiction I did not drink for thirty years. And then one day I asked the Lord if I could enjoy a cold beer or glass of wine without it destroying me again. And his answer was yes – I was free from my “wrong perception and use” of alcoholic beverages. So for several years now that has become an added enjoyment in my life.

I mention this because I’ve discovered that my life-long sexual dysfunction was simply having a wrong perception and use of it. Through Naturism and really knowing the body as the image of God, I am able to enjoy it without lust, shame, or addiction.

Through Naturism, and even more specifically Christian Naturism, I am now sexually at peace within myself – and just to be nude is enough.