You Might be a Naturist If…

Jeff Foxworthy is most known for his comedic bits where after he describes a funny scenario he says his famous tagline as only he can, “…you might be a redneck.” In the same spirit, I asked a few of my friends what they thought would be scenarios where we could also say, “…you might be a naturist.” Thanks to everyone who contributed. Here are the results. Feel free to add more in the comments section!

You might be a naturist if you remove the wardrobe to make the bedroom bigger.

You might be a naturist if you give a fellow naturist a gift voucher from a clothing shop just to wind them up and see the look on their face when they see it 😅.

You might be a naturist if you add to your vocabulary such terms as textile (to describe a person or location), Donald Ducking, butt towel, smoothie (also to describe a person), and permanude.

You might be a naturist if your new camper has only been to one textile campground.

You might be a naturist if Donald Ducking it by the campfire seems normal and reasonable instead of weird and perverted.

You might be a naturist if your neighbor comes over, and while talking they ask you, “Did you forget to get dressed this morning?”

You might be a naturist if you have never played pickle ball with clothes on.

You might be a naturist if you’re playing cornhole at a church event and blame your misses on the fact that you’re wearing clothes.

You might be a naturist if lower fall temperatures don’t excite you as much as they used to.

You might be a naturist if naked football in the snow sounds like (and is) a great idea… same goes with naked snow angels!

You might be a naturist if you can revert to childlike fun in a nanosecond.

You might be a naturist if your first thought when you’re enjoying an outdoor activity around other people is, “This would be perfect if we could be nude.”

You might be a naturist if you’re driving through the country and marking all the places you wish you could explore au naturel.

You might be a naturist if the first question you have about a destination is “where can I get naked?”

You might be a naturist if you find yourself thinking, “I wish this grocery store (or fill in the blank) was clothing-optional.”

You might be a family-friendly naturist if you wish you could take your kid to a place where everyone is naked.

You might be a naturist if you know those waves of relaxation and quiet joy when your clothes hit the floor.

You might be a naturist if you only do laundry once a month and feel bad because it’s only a quarter of a load or less. 😁

You might be a naturist if your dirty clothes hamper is only towels.

You might be a naturist if when clothes go on sale, you aren’t even interested.

You might be a naturist if you spend more on towels than clothes.

You might be a naturist if your beach towels are monogrammed.

You might be a naturist if you find the “towel dance” in the locker room amusing.

You might be a naturist if you never wear clothes or you find excuses to not wear clothes.

You might be a naturist if you go on vacation, and only pack clothes for the trip there and back. (Or just re-wear the same clothes you drove there in.)

You might be a naturist if you don’t have tan lines.

You might be a naturist if you have to dress to answer the door.

You might be a naturist if you have to dress to walk the dog.

You might be a naturist if your dog gets excited when you get dressed.

You might be a naturist if you have trouble deciding on a furry robe or plain robe before going outside.

You might be a naturist if you’re about to leave but forgot you’re nude.

You might be a naturist if the rest of the family asks you to put on clothes during family photo events.

You might be a naturist if the thought of wearing clothes to sleep in or swim in actually both confuses and offends you.

You might be a naturist if you struggle being envious over someone else’s RV, or golf car, or hot tub setup.

You might be a naturist if you think that a key lanyard would be a perfect gift. 😁

You might be a naturist if you can’t participate in pajama day during spirit week (because you have no pajamas and you can’t show up in your naked pjs).

You might be a naturist if when people scroll through your phone’s photo album you warn them there may be nude pictures in there.

You might be a naturist if you see a photo of nudists dining and you’re more interested in what they are eating than the fact they are nude.

You might be a naturist if you zoom up on a nude photo just to read a tattoo.

You might be a naturist if you always forget to close the bathroom door.

You might be a naturist if you use urinals without dividers without even thinking.

You might be a naturist if you can’t open your Christian website on public WiFi because it’s blocked due to the word nudist or naturist in it.

You might be a naturist if the answer to the question “Who wears the pants in this relationship?” is “no one!”

You might be a naturist if everything seems better nude.

You might be a naturist if you realize that nudity is just not a big deal – at least not in the way that you’ve been conditioned to think it is!

You might be a Christian naturist if you tell your non-nudist friends interesting facts from the Bible. “Oh yes, Jesus was baptized nude.”

You might be a naturist if you spread the true freedom in naturism like you spread the gospel.

You might be a naturist if you see inherent beauty and worth in every body.